Padfoot posted a comment on Saturday 29th December 2007 7:31pm

I'm here to give an objective review of my good thoughts and bad. Your story premise is definitely good and has some intriguing qualities. I was definitely anxious to see the direction that you took and for the most part wasn't let down. Angry and vindictive Snape? Awesome. Sarcastic Harry? Even more awesome. Your war torn Harry makes us feel for the the character and commands some respect. Length of chapters are good as well as spelling and grammar for the most part. And everything seems to be flowing very well update wise.

Now the bad. I am giving this review on on the Sirius and Quidditch chapter because in all honesty I have to stop reading. And it saddens me. But if I have to read one more interaction with your Harry and Ginny, I may just lose it. I am not a particular shipper and can read most any relationship pairing if it is written well. That being said I have come to the conclusion that this story is an AU based off of canon after book 6. Your references to Ginny in your original time line and her comparison to the alternate are just ridiculous. If you are going to put in all canon references for the original timeline (DD dead Snape traitor Horcruxes etc), keep Ginny the same. You make her out to be 'the only one that understood him.' and 'the best at reading him' when, as of book 6 (and 7 for that matter), those assumptions are pure crap. Ginny was at best a damsel in distress and a distraction. Her human counter part had 5 count em, 5, lines in the first 4 movies. And as far as the end of the series canon goes, we're supposed to understand that they forge some kind of relationship after Hogwarts and end up together. But you had her killed off in what would be her 6th year, if Neville was leading the DA during the Massacre. So where and when was this connection formed? As well as the "naughty thoughts" that Harry was having and was having trouble because he was 11? If you want to make your Ginny in the alternate time line like that go ahead, that's why it's AU. But if you're going to stick to canon (deaths, parings and major plot points) then stick to it. I don't mind Ginny per se, but when you make her out to be more than she was in the frame of reference that you use, it gets ridiculous.

All in all I was saddened. I really started to enjoy this fic and thought it had so much potential. And it just feels wasted on the relationships. And I'm started to wonder why this is Adult only rated. Granted they are 12 (so thankfully you haven't gone there yet) I am just curious as to why you chose to post that rating when clearly your not going to do anything on that level for quite some time. You have obviously shown some commitment and I commend you for it. But your character dynamics need a lot of work. Either that or you need to get over SUPER! Ginny. Ginny is a strong passionate woman. She is not the perfect ideal woman for Harry, none of them are. But JKR can't write romance, which she admits, so her pairings leave a lot to be desired.

Viridian replied:

 

Well, I'm not going to call you an idiot right off the bat, but for God's sake get control of yourself.

 

You are seeing recollections of future-Ginny based off of Merged-Harry's memories. Do you think, even for a damn minute, that he is going to be in any way objective about her? Of course he's going to be incredibly sappy. If would be bizarre if he wasn't. Future-Harry was so imbalanced that he committed suicide on the off chance that he might get a 'do-over'. He's been grieving for 'his Ginny' and everyone else he's lost for thirteen years while watching his entire world go to hell.

 

In canon, she has shown moments of empathy... Like when she said he wouldn't be happy unless he was chasing Voldemort. I see that as understanding that Harry feels responsible (no matter how irrational that is) and comprehending the way he tends to flog himself with guilt (like he did after Cedric and Sirius died). With Dumbledore gone, it really was up to him now, and he'd have trouble living with himself if he continued to duck what he saw as his responsibilities. She also accepted that she couldn't help him much (yet) and stayed at Hogwarts at his insistence. (When she hasn't been all that submissive to her family's strictures as she got older.)

 

As you can no doubt guess, this was written well before DH, and DH's plot is NOT going to be the bible for the future timeline. Snape and Draco being killed by Voldemort is a big change right there (he saw through the ruse, as mentioned in an author note a while back). Regular  letters back and forth seemed more than possible, both with the Order and Ginny. Even Moody isn't daft enough to ignore the morale value of those.

 

The reason this story has an adult rating is that some of the fifth-year and later stuff is going to get fairly nasty, so I'm erring on the side of caution. Hell, an accurate portrayal of PTSD is sufficient to get a viewer discretion warning on television here in the States.

 

I'm saddened that you're saddened, but if you can't discriminate between a character's voice and the author's voice in a narrative, or, you know, use your imagination, then I think the rest of this story will be utterly wasted on you.

 

 

angel of death posted a comment on Thursday 20th December 2007 9:40pm

This is interesting, but I don't find it as, absorbing as Team 8 or Out of the Darkness.

InsaneBookworm posted a comment on Tuesday 11th December 2007 2:25pm

Wow this is a great story, I really like the part where you included Bill. Having Harry think his response was brilliant, I was worried he would suddenly become a dark lord in his own right like so many versions of Harry tend to do. Excellent job, awaiting your next update with anticipation.~IB

Nagol posted a comment on Friday 7th December 2007 5:02pm

Another wonderful chapter. We can’t get enough. Thank you.

Namizujs posted a comment on Thursday 6th December 2007 3:16am

Thank You!
I feel that the comments in the authors notes of this chapter are excellent.
I love the way this story is evolving.

John

Minerva Granger posted a comment on Wednesday 5th December 2007 3:09pm

Oh, sheepstations. We have trouble here. (just so's you know, sheepstations is an all-purpose word which can be used to replace swearwords. It works well. I've used it here to replace antoher 's' word.)

Namizujs posted a comment on Tuesday 4th December 2007 11:20pm

Matthew,
Lazy people read this then it seems, me included, even though I share my (second) christian name with You.
It is an excellent story, and we should be glad we are allowed to read it.
It could be a blessing to you, that you now have a full time job, if you neeed and/or want one, so you are to be congratulated, I have known writers loose all interest after being "downsized".
So, Thank You and carry on as you are able with this wonderful work

John

Hoss posted a comment on Tuesday 4th December 2007 5:17am

Nuts! Grumble! last one for a time. Walks over to wall and kicks it, hurts foot. I'm not to bright. What a fun story this has been up to this point. To say I'm looking forward to the next chapter is a understatement.I turly hope that your haveing as much fun wrighting this as I'm haveing reading it. Thanks so much.

Hoss posted a comment on Monday 3rd December 2007 1:48pm

You got me LOL and a tear in this chapther. Well done. Thanks

Hoss posted a comment on Monday 3rd December 2007 3:32am

Not much to say, I like the diffrent POV your doing and doing real well!. Thanks for a fun read.

GryffindorDragon posted a comment on Sunday 2nd December 2007 6:27am

Nice chapter.
I like Harry's setting Minerva straight and Percy's 'prank' on the twins.

Kraggi55 posted a comment on Sunday 2nd December 2007 12:07am

i really love this story ur ssetting and i would love to read it until teh end
keep up the good work

Hoss posted a comment on Saturday 1st December 2007 1:47am

I'm just plan haveing good fun reading this. Thanks so much.

Hoss posted a comment on Wednesday 28th November 2007 12:07pm

I have not had much new stuff to read, so I'm glad I came across Kokopelli's mention of this story. What Great Fun. Thanks

DC posted a comment on Tuesday 27th November 2007 10:43am

It';s a crying shame this fic doesn't get more reviews but the latest retread from Bobmin gets hundreds per chapter.

Viridian replied:

It's not surprising at all. They post huge chapters, and this is the only site they post on. (NoFP is on 3 at the moment, so not everyone reads it here.)

Also, I wouldn't call it retreads. They are trying out different variations on a theme, and some of them are quite interesting.

On a final note, I'll add that Bob and Alyx are the folks who got me interested in fanfiction, starting with Dumbledore's Army (it's only on ff.net, since they haven't posted it here), so if it wasn't for them you likely wouldn't be reading this story at all.

kiam posted a comment on Tuesday 27th November 2007 4:45am

That was cool, but I want to see some romance between Harry and Ginny. Thier being a bit distant at the moment

Terdwilicker posted a comment on Monday 26th November 2007 5:43pm

Great story, well written, original and interesting. I particularly like the effort you've put to describing the impact of PTSD on Harry, his horrifying nightmares and haunted stares being noticed by his friends. Its credible. Thank you for writing this story.

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Monday 26th November 2007 5:11pm

Very good chapter to a very good story.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Monday 26th November 2007 4:22pm

Very good chapter. I haven't read DH and I may never read it. I don't like how she was taking the story in the last two or three books. If I want to feel bad or be depressed I can read the newspaper. I read to feel good.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Monday 26th November 2007 3:22pm

Very good.

gunny