Jizzle posted a comment on Wednesday 5th March 2008 5:46am

"finished his hot chocolate the set" should be "then set" I do believe.

"when know one was looking" should be "when no one was looking."

"he paid for it was well" should be "he paid for it as well," no?

I thought an earlier chapter, when Harry is first explaining his plan of freeing Sirius via fake memories, he mentions having heard about Sirius play with baby Harry frequently. And in dog form too. If so, Sirius' comment about Lily and fleas contradicts.

"so that exactly what he did" is just wrong. Perhaps "so that was exactly what he did" would fix it?

The part about Tonks is just off. Why does Sirius say, "she'll have to find another reason." They were just talking about Remus getting with Tonks because she made him laugh. The "she" makes it seem like they suddenly switch to talking about Tonks' reason for getting with Remus. Totally doesn't make sense.

That's all I caught. Either my eyes suddenly got sharper, or this chapter wasn't polished to quite the same blinding shine the others have been. Either way, excellent work, and good luck on your revision.

Jizzle posted a comment on Tuesday 4th March 2008 10:35am

"Ron and the others protested when they were asked to wait outside the treatment area. It would be curfew soon and they didn’t want to be shooed back to the Gryffindor tower without Harry. But as he sat there on a bed with his robes and shirt removed, Harry began to regret interceding with Madam Pomfrey. Ginny applied a great deal of concentration to casting Scourgify on Harry’s blood-stained robes."

Huh? What the hell is going on here? Why is Ginny cleaning Harry's robes when she's out in the hall? What interceding is Harry pulling? And where do McGonnagal and Dumbledore come from immediately following this passage. Truly, it is an awful transition.

Viridian replied:

They were asked to leave, but Harry interceded on their behalf. He later regretted that when Madam Pomfrey had him take of his robes and his shirt and he began to feel a bit self-conscious. I thought it was clear that they hadn't left.

And it's implied from their dialogue that Albus and Minerva had just come from a meeting with Snape.

Jizzle posted a comment on Monday 3rd March 2008 6:02pm

"also meant that Harry look could past" doesn't make any sense. Maybe look and could are in inverted order?

Jizzle posted a comment on Monday 3rd March 2008 7:35am

This is one of my favorite chapters. "She sent Ron an especially big box of chocolate frogs for Christmas." is definitely one of the more moving lines in this story or for that matter, any fic I've read.

But Harry's favorite quidditch announcer isn't Luna Lovegood? Sacrilege.

Jizzle posted a comment on Monday 3rd March 2008 4:44am

Really, felt the stirrings of hope for the first time in years? It seems to weird to say that when Harry made such a big deal about hope after reading about temporal fields in the very first chapter.

Jizzle posted a comment on Sunday 2nd March 2008 7:27am

""He does have a point, Harry. This would be too good an opportunity for him to pass up," Hermione" Hermione volunteered." definitely has an extra Hermione.

Jizzle posted a comment on Saturday 1st March 2008 6:12pm

I don't know if it's an error or not, and someone's probably brought it up before, but first year Draco knows accio? I mean, they learn that fourth year, and Harry even had trouble with it. So private tutors are a possibility, but still, it's pretty impressive that Draco could pull it off, even if it wasn't a really good summoning spell.

"Ron had been pestered" should be "Ron had been pestering" I'm almost certain.

Viridian replied:

The first issue is addressed in a later chapter. (When they discuss the Ministry law regarding summer tutors.)

Good catch on the second. It's been corrected on my master version. Thanks!

Jizzle posted a comment on Saturday 1st March 2008 5:31pm

I'm pretty sure Hogwarts students don't start taking electives until third year, so Hermione shouldn't say "Think of it more like… one of those Muggle Studies classes I’ve read the second year students can take, only in reverse." but rather "Think of it more like… one of those Muggle Studies classes I’ve read the third year students can take, only in reverse." Or Hermione read wrong. But why would Hogwarts, A History be wrong about such a thing? And that's certainly more likely than Hermione misremembering, eh?

Well, just continuing to point out errors or possible errors I run across for your big perfection push. Cheers.

Jizzle posted a comment on Saturday 1st March 2008 2:01pm

"thinks will look better" should be "things will look better."

Just thought I'd mention it since you said you're going through and trying to fix any errors in the story so far.

Liska posted a comment on Monday 25th February 2008 3:03am

Okay, I admit, I've read the story about five or six times and this is my first time commenting. Due to my reading the story so many times, I guess you can tell I like it. Anyway, your website mentioned you were looking for errors. Well, in the Chamber of secrets, after rescuing Ginny, Harry breaks down crying, and thinks how long it's been since he cried, but in the prologe, he cries without realizing it, and admits to doing that a lot near the end. Still, love the story.

Viridian replied:

I'll clarify that to mean since he came back. Or died, anyway.

wingnut1974 posted a comment on Sunday 24th February 2008 1:59am

As I have said before I really love this story. I just hope everything works out well this time around for Harry and his friends. Sorry about my earlier post I hadn't fully finished this one befoe I sent it and I should have. I just get very frustrated wen I really get into a story just to find out it was never finished and that is a real bummer. Thank you for adding your thoughts to our beloved world of Harry Potter and his Friends.
wingnut1974
wingnut1974@comcast.net

wingnut1974 posted a comment on Saturday 23rd February 2008 6:50am

I really enjoy this story but what I want to know is if you are ever going to finih it?

wingnut1974@comcast.net

Terry Chang posted a comment on Tuesday 19th February 2008 6:30pm

love your story, just read your viridian's dreams note bout going through your entire story and fixing things. my though, hey do what you got to to clear your mind and make things as perfect as you want it. you're mind came up with this excellent story so just take care of your state of mind, and your mind won't let you down. i'll wait...it's definitely worth reading a non stereotypical story that keeps me on my toes.

londonxlove posted a comment on Wednesday 13th February 2008 8:09am

Not trying to sound rude, but are you going to update soon? =]

Lynn Terald posted a comment on Wednesday 30th January 2008 2:30am

Brillant as usual.

Christopher Estep posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 5:28pm

Poor Augusta Longbottom! She thought that She'd cow Neville by sending him a Howler at Hogwarts. UNfortunately for her, Neville grew himself a spine and fired back a Granger Howler (much more powerful than even a Molly Weasley Howler) that detonated in her tea! I think the Stebbins (mother and son) will stop their meddling for at least a while.

Ravenclawchaser68 posted a comment on Wednesday 23rd January 2008 5:11am

I've just started to reread this for probably about the fifth time, and I wanted to take a minute to let you know that I think these first couple chapters are some of the most moving stuff I've ever read. I think the top two moments are when Harry sees Ginny for the first time, and especially when he tells his younger self "Oh Harry, you're going to have great friends." I've read that at least 4 times and I still teared up.

I like the later parts of the story more for the plot and the action, but these first few pack are some of the best stuff I've ever read, fanfic or not. Thank you very much for sharing them.
Jay

snapelady posted a comment on Wednesday 16th January 2008 3:01pm

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Can't wait to read more. Keep it up. :)

Clincher posted a comment on Tuesday 15th January 2008 6:05am

hi =)

well this is my first review seeing as this is the first time I read your story =) and most of the things that I wanted to say have already been said. So I could say something random like Dumbeldore but I choice not to:P

to keep it short your story is incredible like your choice of worths (i am dutch and need to look in the Dictionary a lot ;) you have given me the last days some good laughs (fred and george saying against Sirius 'we are not worthy!!')and some sad cry's (momments like when harry dreams dumbeldore removes his memory) I want to thank you for that!

So thank you verrrrrry much!! And i hope that you will review when you have time.

Greets Clincher =)

BTW:1 damm your chapters are long!!

BTW:2 You are doing a great job Beta's so Thank you 2 (havent seen 1 mistake ;)

JSX posted a comment on Tuesday 15th January 2008 3:10am

good chapter, can't wait till the new one comes out (i saw on your other site that it is in the final beta stage, yeah!!).

one thing, i keep a copy of your story as a MS Word file so i can carry it on my PDA and read it on my commute to school and work. i let a new fanfic reader read this epic and she wanted to know if your idea for the 'power he knows not' was going to be knowledge gained from the future. i think it would be the sheer amount of vengeance that harry 1.0 and 2.0 feel for what has happened.

another point that just popped into my head; if harry's reductor is that powerful, just think on how much damage he could do with bamarda (the spell Hr used in B3 to open Sirius's 'cell'. or the AK. hell, he could even possibly use the impero curse on old Voldemort himself and cause a suicide. that would be a VERY fitting and funny ending to good old Tom Riddle.