Philip Jacobs posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 11:24pm

Nice work with the story, but I do have one question. In the scene where Harry and crew were repairing the damaged windows, you stated first that Harry was with Ron and Hermione, the other three having split off as a second team to work on the lower windows. But just a bit later in the discussion, Neville, Ginny, and Luna are listening in and making comments back to Harry. Did the three of them finish up and rejoin the first group without mention in the paragraph, or did a sentence or two get cropped by mistake in the edit to the final draft?

Other than that, I really liked the way things were flowing in this chapter. Dumbledore seems to maybe be getting a clue about the flaws in some of his policies, Harry got to play a relatively trouble-free game of Quidditch, Hermione's gotten her info-fix on Harry's past future, and Ginny looks to be continuing to mature into someone who Harry will actually have a chance to make a life with sometime in the future.

Oh, and the Fred to George Bludger shot in the game ought to be something that will make professional scouts take notice, presuming that Colin's still the shutterbug this time around that he was in the first pass. Granted, the Twins likely aren't that interested in a pro career, but it would make the family proud to know that they had gotten offers.

As always, make sure you feed that Muse, and I'll be looking forward to the next installment.

Nementh

Quizer posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 11:21pm

Whoa, this is a really great chapter. There's so much happening in this chapter that it appears even longer than simply its word count.

The part with Ginny at the beginning is done masterfully. It very nearly made me cry. That part was so filled it could have been a chapter of its own; you could have ended it right there and I wouldn't have complained because of shortness.

The part about Hermione is great, too. She asked the right questions, those that I expected her to ask and those I wanted to see put before Harry at some point. The Fred & George wedding joke was great!

I also loved that little tidbit about Neville channeling his grandmother. What will she say when he turns it back at her?

The part with Ron and Neville was a bit short. I'd have expected them to ask more questions. And I wonder what Ron would say if he knew about the Slytherin version of the Quidditch song...
I'm really looking forward to seeing a conversation between Harry and Luna at some point.

The face-off with Dumbledore was fun, too. I always love those. Now he finally got to see the light for a bit (or the darkness, as it is...)

The Quidditch match was very well done, too. I'm amazed how you can still create something unique with the abundance of Quidditch matches that are written out there. Same for the DA tournament. It didn't nearly have that clichéd feel that would be expected after the slew of such tourneys that are already out there. Congratulations!

I also loved the confrontation with the Slytherin students itself. We finally got to see how Harry's group would fight in a semi-serious combat situation. I'm also glad that unlike some other authors, you realize that it is indeed possible for Harry to occasionally survive such a confrontation without getting injured. Hope we'll get to see some more action some time soon!


Well, that's all for now. I'm looking forward to the third book! :)


Quizer

Quizer posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 9:48pm

> By the time they returned to their dormitories, Harry could barely stand. He checked the damaged trunk, a let out a heartfelt sigh of relief. The Glock was still where he’d left it, under some of his first year books, wrapped in one of Vernon ’s old socks. After re-packing it, Harry collapsed onto his bed, still half-dressed, and pulled the curtains shut. Sleep overcame him with the drone of conversation still filling his ears.

This section, which you added after you realized Harry has to check for the gun, is still written in a different font. While you fix that, you can also replace the 'a' with an 'and' in the second sentence.

I had to read the chapter again, since between the amount of fics I read, the length of the story and the time between updates the details of what happened in the chapter get muddy over time. You update fast enough, but it is still long enough that I feel I have to refresh my knowledge of the events that happened. Well, time to check out the latest chapter!


Quizer

Arkeus posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 7:51pm

The end felt a bit awkward- after all, when Harry died, he wasn't really with Ginny, nor was ginny when she died. Of course, they weren't exactly friends either. But more than friends? hum...

liquidfyre posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 7:33pm

More soon... or else... YOU WILL BE SPORKED

grabs his sharpened spork and cackles maniacally

damn good story you keep up like this and ill definately keep reading what ya write Bunches

Lira posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 5:07pm

Brilliant chapter! :D Keep up the good work!

millercommamatt posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 4:33pm

Dumbledore is beginning to see the light I think. Now I can stop yelling at my computer screen for him to take his head out of his ass. Thank you for that. My neighbors give me funny looks when I yell at my computer.

-millercommamatt

haphazard1 posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 4:14pm

Ah, an excellent new chapter of this outstanding story. Just the thing for a pleasant evening of fic reading.

So much happened in this chapter, I'm not sure where to start. The talks about the original timeline with Ginny and Hermione were really well done, with hefty emotional impact. Harry's thought about progressively draining an infected wound was spot on, methinks.

The confrontation with the Slytherins was nicely handled; I loved seeing the six working as a tightly coordinated unit. Dumbledore took another wrong turn, but Harry's (and McGonagall's) reaction, combined with his legilemency on Flint and Parkinson, may have been precisely the wake-up call he needed.

The quidditch and the tournament were fun, and I'm guessing Ginny having won may turn out more important than it initially appears. I'm looking forward to summer at the Burrow, and the reactions of the various Weasleys as they master Occlumency and learn the full story. Percy especially should be interesting, if things go that way.

Great work, and you've made me VERY curious about third year. Just what will change, and how will the dementors still come into play? Don't keep us waiting TOO long, please?

Ivy_Snowe posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 3:38pm

Brillinat. Freaking brilliant. I think I say that alot when I review your fic, but honestly, it is. So, I'm glad that Dumbledore is finally getting a clue, but that decision he made was very foolish, I know why he did it, and yes, he did rescind the punishment, but still, Harry has the right of it in the end. It was nice to see a more developed reaction to his finally telling the truth to his friends, I'm a bit relived to tell you the truth. The tournament was fun. Cheers.

~Ivy

anonymous5 posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 3:33pm

Spectacular! And thanks to you, I am going to be useless at work tomorrow. "Oh, it's nearly bedtime. Lemme just check ffa.net and see if anybody has upda- wait, bedtime? What bedtime...?" :P

This chapter was just light enough to balance out the heavy chapter immediately before it... and your method of achieving some degree of redemption for the headmaster manages to be both unique and totally in-character. I am most most satisfied. That said, update again! like tomorrow maybe. that'd be spiffing. :D

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 3:13pm

Nice chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.

Terry Swain posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 3:09pm

Great chapter. :)

Sean Dillon posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 3:08pm

Glad to see the update but was kind of hoping to see a bit of the confrontation between Snape and Dumbles after the kids left the office. Did Snape quit or did Dumbles sack him?

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 2:54pm

Yes, a different evolution that slowly diverges from canon. You're doing a very nice job here; each divergence shifting things a bit farther in a most plausible manner.

nancy in chicago posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 2:44pm

loved the quidditch match -- normally I find them boring, but you made the strategy interesting!

nancy in chicago

Love the rest of the story too, btw

Nightwing510 posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 2:15pm

I enjoyed reading your story. I liked how you had Harry & the others stop the ambush the Slytherins tried. Please update soon.

freakyfinger posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 2:03pm

I really thought Harry would just breeze through his duels . . . nice twist!

Viridian replied:

Harry is superior in some ways, but I'm not making him a full-blown super-Harry. Unstoppable heros are boring. The merged magical cores do give him a lot more casting power than he has any business possessing, but that can be a liability in and of itself, as Harry will discover...

Lincoln posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 2:01pm

Not bad,

Held more conversations and activities than i was expected. I'm pretty impressed. I enjoy Harry and Ginny finally getting closer together.

The tournament held a few surprises for me. Glad to see Ginny coming into her own.

Can't wait for your next installment. Who'll they come across in the holidays? Will Dumbledore thaw out? How will Molly react to seeing her little girl's trophy?

I hope i don't have to wait another month to find out!

Thanks,

Lincoln

Katherine posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 1:53pm

Damn I love this story. And I just love that you write long chapters. That is a bonus in my book. I am glad that Ginny won the dueling Tournament. And I can't wait for Molly to find out. I am glad that Harry has so many loyal friends that are willing to listen and that he feels comfortable telling such terrible things too. And I have to agree with Ginny her childhood is now over. They know the truth and it is time to grow up and act more like adults. Because they are Harry's friends and if they want to survive when the war restarts. I do wonder if Sirius was able to track down any Horcruxes between Christmas and summer break? Can't wait to see if Mr. and Mrs. Weasley got their Occlumancy shields up to par the same with Percy. I'm going to love that long drawn out conversation/shouting match. Can Harry or even Hermione come to the conclusion that the muggle parents of muggleborns are in danger and need to learn to defend themselves? I think learning martial arts and being able to shoot a gun will increase their chances of survival. Keep up the great work!!

Stone Cold posted a comment on Thursday 29th June 2006 1:52pm

What a great story. I loved this update. Absolutely loved it.

Luna as always is very amusing, and I'm so glad you write Ginny in ways that she doesn't become a Mary Sue like in canon.

Excellent story, and I can't wait for more, especially the big talk with the Weasley parents. And everyone finally meeting Sirius.