brad posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 10:01pm

Excellent chapter. Chock full of content - plot and intrigue - that kept me solidly immersed from start to finish. With a real sense of overall tension building steadily throughout. I'm worried about the agent-in-place - Harry really hasn't had a major setback to his plans yet, has he? - but also about how his friends will react when he can finally tell them his secrets (so soon as the end of this second year?!). You've done a marvellous job on building up the suspense on that score. Luna turned out to be of great utility for that purpose in this chapter, didn't she?

I know people on your Yahoo group have been starting to ruminate over what the responses will be from Harry's comrades when he can tell them the truth; I've already left my own opinion over in your ffa forum. I just can't wait to see how you handle it.

Some silly little spelling/grammar mistakes and such sprinkled throughout the chapter; is it only the ps.net version which is beta'ed? No super big deal, I only really noticed them on my second read through ... :-)

I thought the segment with Percy and also Harry's dream-talking in the car were both brilliant. And really raised the stakes in Harry's eventual unveiling of his secrets a notch or two, as I've said. Honestly, I quite like the Percy you have here. In the last couple of the canon books I've wanted to take him aside, shake him and remind him that he's a WEASLEY, dammit. Your Percy here still is, as well as being perceptive and keeping Harry on his toes; and Harry's been 'shaking' him on my behalf, making him think (in earlier chapters also). Great stuff.

I guess this chapter saw the first real crystallisation of the Ministry sextet into couples, what with the mistletoe kisses? Luna/Neville, Ron/Hermione, and Harry/Ginny, with the girls only kissing one boy and not everyone in the group.

As to why the kiss with Ginny felt 'wrong' to Harry, I can only suspect it's due to the age difference? Until his thought that he found it 'wrong' I held the scene to be quite powerful, with old memories threatening to overcome him; I didn't think there was any more to it other than memories and his feelings for Ginny until that later paragraph. If it *is* a case of Harry feeling too old then I wonder how you're going to handle that as the story progresses? Just how many years is this story going to encompass?

Loved the Harry/Sirius snippets, giving Harry a chance to have some discourse as his true adult(-ish) self.

Hermione's swan song was very moving. Sniff.

Nice ending ... I forget if Millicent was one of Draco's "sycophants" in canon - was she in the Inquisition Squad? - but it would be nice to see Harry redeem her - free her from Draco's poisonous influence - in addition to his efforts closer to home. Dunno if your story will be big enough to include such peripheral little side-plots, though.

Great chapter, wonderful read. Now we have to endure the wait for its successor! Thanks for continuing your story.

sunrisesunset posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 4:32pm

An awesome chapter, Matthew!

I like how you took a character considered just "filler" in canon and gave her some personality. Just because they're Slytherins doesn't mean that the Bulstrode family is all that bad...

Anyway, on to more serious stuff:
I enjoy the way you write the Harry/Ginny scenes. Just the right amount of awkward tension, considering the circumstances. Like the rest of your readers, I am looking forward to her reaction when Harry tells them all the truth. In fact, I'm really looking forward to ALL their reactions (coming up soon, I hope?)

Please continue your writing - your have a wonderfully clear style that makes reading it a pleasure. I know that with work and all, you're not free nearly as often as you were before, so I don't mind waiting a while for updates. So long as you keep them coming, at whatever pace, I'm happy!

Yojo posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 3:30pm

Excellent job, especially the part about Ginny's revenge and Harry talking in his sleep. I am curious as to how long it will take for you to reveal who the insider is (My guess is Snape or Malfoy, but knowing how authors likes plot twists, I'm probably wrong). I am kind of curious as to how you are going to oust Lockheart early, or if you even plan to; personally, I would love to see him wipe someone's memory and Harry go apeshit on him, imperioing him into and leaving him in the Chamber of Secrets to rot away his life. I think it would be a fitting end for him to simply disappear one evening... and never be seen again. Oh well, I can't wait to see what you do. Thanks for the new chapter, and I can't wait for the next one!

Bobmin356 posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 3:27pm

Matt;
First, the obligatory death threat. UPDATE OR DIE!

LOL!

This was a good chapter, but I have to admit the occlumency is starting to drag. I think you need to either lobotomize snape or figure out a way to speed it up. Waiting til the end of the term is going to make it seem much worse.

I like the idea of Millicent having an older sister. Good one there.

Harry needs to deal with problems like draco in a simple but effective manner. A blown blood vessel in the brain is quick, painful and perfectly natural. :)

I can't say why your team 8 gets more reviews. I don't even know what a naruto is. Can you bbq one? Is it tasty? Will we likes it precious?

Opps.
Heh... ok. Back to the regular reviews.

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 2:31pm

Nice to see a new chapter. The end of the chapter seemed a bit abrupt, but over all, tt was well done and very enjoyable.

Melissa Bulstrode is a great character--is she going to show up more?

Sonicdale posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 2:31pm

Loved the New Years at the Burrow. Luna's outfit was perfect ... especially the mistletoe in her hair.

Neville is turning out to be a great addition to this story. A subtle addtion, to be sure, but I like it.

Ron seems to be fading out a bit, but then you did the flashback to Hermione's death. Whenever you do that it gives us more depth to Harry's character than you could ever know. Thanks for that. Texture is a nice thing, no?

Seems to me that Harry is going to have to refall in love with Ginny. The similarities are there, but as Harry continues to follow this one around, she's showing the small differences and the similar traits that we all know and love. Looking forward to seeing some of the new things in Ginny surprising Harry.

Lastly, I know Naturo gets more reviews. Pooh on those reviewers. I say that the number of readers is just as much of a feather in your cap. Wear that cap proudly. ..... man that sounded very Percy like. Ug. How's this: Good work man. Keep it up.

Better. And as for the ending with Bulstrode... I like it when authors put little, um, pearls of fun into the story, only to rediscover them later. I see Melissa being part of the story later.

Hope Lockhart gets his comeuppance soon. I know you like torturing him with Hermione's cross-examination... can we see a bit more of that again? It was so fun before.

Good work. Now tell your boss that the HP Fifth Column in Spreadsheet Nimbus2000 is malfunctioning and you need at least a day to really work your magic on it.

:)

Alvin Au posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 2:07pm

good chappie... nope to see some action soon and Snape's reaction to when they can occlude their minds... the part will Melissa and the twins were hilarious... and im sure harry can use a spy or two in slytherin house...=).. hope all goes well with your work and keep up the good work ... looking forward to the next chapter... both Team 8 and NFP...=)

Steven Augart posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 2:06pm

Hey, I really like this update. I thoroughly enjoy your OC, Melissa Bulstrode. Her sardonic comments about Marcus Flint's sexism are a joy to read.

I also enjoy Fred and George having
the tables turned on them.

I sure hope that Ginny, at least, learns Occlumency soon.

millercommamatt posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 2:02pm

Your characterization of Percy interests me. I'd really like to see more of him to get a feel of where he's coming from with his interactions with Harry. I can't get a good feel for just exactly what it is that he thinks about Harry. It makes it hard for me to plot out how everything will evolve.

The scene with Malfoy just kind of fell off. I don't know if it was intertional, but the readers were given neither reason or resolution. I'd kind of like to know what was behind the whole challenge and what became of it. Will we return to this thread?

I can really see the effort that you're putting into carefully developing Harry and Ginny's relationship. I can see that as a writer you're walking teh same tightrope that Harry's walking as a character. You're doing a good job keeping it balanced.

As for teh revelations of secrets, how much longer will Harry hold up? School seems to keep him distracted from his own lies, but the tension is clearly building. I find myself really wanting to see Harry be able to release the truth. I'm curious to see how Harry and his friends will balance the freedom of knowing versus the horror or the truth and Harry's glimpse what what may come.

This is still a great story. In fact, it keeps getting better. When I first sat down to read this a few weeks ago, I read the summary and thought, how could this not be cheesy and poorly done. However, you've exceeded my wildest expectations with your handling of the plot. You obviously earned the coveted place in Harry Potter fan fiction that you now hold.

I'm looking forward to more of this story. I understand the demands of a busy life, but I hope that you find plenty of time to devote to this great tale. Thanks for writing and keep up the good work.

-millercommamatt

Entilzah posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 1:56pm

Love this! I am very interested how the eventual Harry/Ginny thing goes (suspect it will be rather loud!). And don't change your Luna at all - she is priceless!

Hagrid posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 1:46pm

So she took out a unicoen with one punch, in my class? Yer'd think I would have remembered that, at least remembered her bein' able to do it. Thems powerful magical creatures. Must be me memory slippin'. Still a good chapter though. I'm glad its you thats havin' ter keep rtack of who knows what when. Don't think I could conjure up that kinda magic.

anonymous5 posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 1:45pm

See, Michael there would scare me a bit... if I didn't feel the exact same way. So I'm reviewing on two different sites. That's how awesome this story is to me.

This chapter was superb. You've taken Percy's development farther than JKR ever seems to have intended, and you've done it well and convincingly. We've got all sorts of tensions and resolutions writhing around our ministry crew protagonists. You got me hooked on this story; when I noticed a new chapter posted, I cooked myself some hot cocoa and curled up in front of the monitor and spent 45 minutes going over it. Spectacular writing. Do it some more. :D

asher1978 posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 1:41pm

Great part! I really enjoy this story and am looking forward to more. Keep up the great work!

Michael69 posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 1:37pm

I swear to God...if you ever abandon this story, I will hunt you down and tie you next to a tree with killer bees, then drench you in honey. This is my favorite story...my absolute favorite. I know that the name Michael can be a bit scary, ie: Jackson, Tyson, Bolton, so don't be too surprised if one day you find yourself in a hole with nothing but lotion.

*It writes the next chapter on it's computer!!*

Cassie posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 1:35pm

I do love this story. This chapter is very good. I like that Harry has been able to get some of the deceptions off his chest, though I do think that those involved will be much more forgiving than he thinks they will be. I like your character of Melissa Bulstrode - especially her cheekiness. Too funny. Aside from that, Luna is priceless, Ron as the rule enforcer is a little scary, but funny, and a bold new Neville I can certainly get used to.

Excellent idea having Sirius be the errand-boy. Although I sympathize with your incredible work load, and the commute (and believe me, I DO understand, I live over 55 miles from where I once worked...now I work [only part time, sadly...] from home).

I will try to remember to review every time. Just do believe me when I say this is one of my favorite WIP fanfics - and I've read a LOT of fanfics. :-)

CP

Kevin Hendricks posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 1:32pm

Hi,

Simply wonderful as usual.

Since you have asked for "meaty reviews" - I do have a few questions/concerns.

You seem to be consistently hinting that Harry feels that the Weasley's are going to mistrust him or even hate him for all of his deceptions. That seems completely out of place to me. Harry has never actually lied to anyone. He simply says there are things he can not talk about yet. It seems you are leading up to some big confrontation or issue that I simply do not see as being realistic at all. How on earth can anyone be upset when they actually are not being lied to? I do not see this as "manipulation". Even if he nudges Hermione and Ron towards each other, he is doing that based on the knowledge of what they did in the future. He does not "force" them
to act that way, he simply facilitates it when it happens. In fact, Harry getting Ginny to like him is the same as any young boy would do to convince a young girl. That does not make him a manipulator just becuase he knows what did happen in the future.

Also, I was more than a bit surpised by this sentence (quoted here)

"He vaguely remembered some other feelings as well,
but this body was just starting puberty, and the reality
of this Ginny was drowning out the memories of the older,
taller version from his future past."

I thought Harry believed he went back in time and not to an alternative universe? If so, he should see both Ginnys as one in the same person and not each as something different. I also don't think Harry would forget in any way his feelings and memories of the older Ginny. They should be one in the same.

I realize you are trying to "build tension" in the story by all of the above, but it seems to have reached a point where it actually
detracts from the story instead of adding to it.

I fear you may overplay the "manipulation" card when all is finally
revealed given how much forboding you have done so far.

And of course, a little more Harry / Ginny without all of the
worry/fuss/memories-vs-now issues would be a big help ;-)

One other thing I have always wondered ...
Do you sometimes regret taking Harry back to year 1 instead of straight to say year 4? Your characters all seem too young to be properly developed at times. You could logically argue that Year 4 is okay since it is before Voldemort came back, before Sirius was killed, and you could view even the "Chamber of Secrets" as a necessary event since it would guarantee Ginny survives (which might not happen if you change the timeline before Year 2 as you have done).
If so, perhaps we could convince you to write another AU where Harry goes back to year 4 and both the emotional and physical relationship can be developed since the characters would be of a reasonable age.

Anyway, I hope this is a meaty enough review to encourage you to continue with this story as fast as your limited free time allows.

Thank you for sharing you work.

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 1:31pm

That was quite well worth the wait; thank you. This new timeline is forking nicely from the other. I will admit to a growing curiosity as to who the agent in Slytherin is.

Heh, I can empathize with the work situation, I've been there for 55 - 60 hours weeks with a one-hour, minimum, commute each way. My present situation looks likely to hit that level of effort right shortly but at least the commute is only 10 minutes at the most. Walking in from the parking lot takes as long as getting to work.

william1 posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 1:09pm

Another higly satisfying episode, though the use of the phrase

detention would not interfere with the timeline

scared the heck out of me for a moment.

But it became more clear that Draco's puppeteer was thinking about their plans versus someone else jumping through time.

I think the relationships in this are shaping up very believeable but Ginny & Harry are particularly poignant and well written.

Your versions of the characters come across as true to the changes Harry has imposed on their world.
It was enjoyable seeing the planning of Fred & George in particular.

I look forward with great interest to see them finally master Occluomency and the fallout from all that will be revealed.

Thank you for sharing,

WDM

john2 posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 12:55pm

Of all the chapters, this has been one of the most fun to work on, even if we pushed that one scene back and forth too many times.

JEC (kokopelli)

Yojo posted a comment on Monday 27th March 2006 11:06am

Excellent chapter, I really like the idea of making Sirius an occlumens so Harry can finally have someone who directly supports him while knowing all of the information. Great job, and keep up the good work. I am very interested in what Malfoy will do to Harry et al in retribution for the raid on his father's stores of dark objects. That should provide very interesting material for a chapter.