Rocky235 posted a comment on Friday 31st March 2006 1:15pm

When I was a kid, 50 years ago, Mom would try the warm milk drink. Ambien works better.

You've got Molly just right.

Rocky235 posted a comment on Friday 31st March 2006 1:00pm

""Is this… urgent, Harry?""

Hermione is a doll. Actually all your characters well done and likeable. Well, not all are likeable, cough...Snape...cough

Rocky235 posted a comment on Friday 31st March 2006 12:41pm

That's an evil cliffie. Ha! I laugh at your cliffie.

I'm so glad you have so many chapters posted.

Rocky235 posted a comment on Friday 31st March 2006 12:17pm

Each chapter is more fun than the one before it. I can't do better anywhere.

Zarz posted a comment on Friday 31st March 2006 10:48am

This is a really wonderful story so far! The first time I read it, all that was up was up to Harry casting "Avada Kedavra" on himself, so I assumed that was the end and the spell failed! I was much relieved to discover that was not the end of the story. Please, update soon! I really want Harry to get a chance to tell his friends all of his secrets. I rather suspect that Harry is seriously underestimating his friends' loyalty to him. I also wonder if Harry will end up killing the Basilisk this time around? Anyway, keep up the good work, you are a talented author, and I love your characterization of Harry and his conflicted emotions.

Regress posted a comment on Friday 31st March 2006 8:05am

I think the Naruto story gets more reviews because us Naruto readers are more active as there is a lack of really good Narutoverse stories compared to the number of HP stories. So we like to encourage and chat with those authors that do write really great Naruto fanfics. Great job on both Team 8 and NFP by the way, I love both stories.

Rocky235 posted a comment on Friday 31st March 2006 7:25am

"a nod toward Kokopelli, who has been pulling yeoman duty polishing up my grammar and occasional Americanism. "

You used walkabout last chapter, and I thought you might be from down under.

Rocky235 posted a comment on Friday 31st March 2006 7:05am

"You see, I plan on filing a formal complaint with the Hogwarts Board of Governors, so-"

Gees, you're rubbing salt in Prof. Snapes wounds.


I love it.

Rocky235 posted a comment on Friday 31st March 2006 6:34am

I like your going back in time plot. As you said, so many things went wrong the first time round.

Your grammar and dialog are beautiful. It's all professional.

Rocky235 posted a comment on Friday 31st March 2006 5:56am

"Like it? Leave a review!"

Like it? Course I like it. Not only is this the best looking of any fan site, but it has the best stories. (They must only let English majors post here as the stories are so well written.)

Bethany posted a comment on Friday 31st March 2006 12:48am

Matthew,
Once again a wonderful chapter!! I loved the way you had Harry deal with Percy, although I would have preferred Harry just beating the snot out of him, but this was second best. :)
I was so very excited when I though Ginny was going in for a kiss on the lips at New Years, but I loved the way you had Harry turn it into a forehead peck. Very sweet, and you are right, it isn't the right time yet.
Thank you for all your hard work, you are truly talented. And I so look forward to your updates!!
Thanks again

Whitehat posted a comment on Thursday 30th March 2006 11:24am

I do agree with Michael though. Should you decide to abandon this story, I may or may not decide to help him hunt you down. That being said, sleep well.

Whitehat posted a comment on Thursday 30th March 2006 11:21am

Hey, great story, best on the Ffiction scene. I do wonder though, if Harry making all sorts of oaths will hinder Harry in the long run. I'd like to hope that since there was no witness, as Bellatrix did for Snape and Narcissa in the JKR version, there would be a loophole favorable to Harry in the coming future. I'm just not that favorable towards that kind of commitment, I am a guy after all.

chibi_squirt posted a comment on Thursday 30th March 2006 4:37am

That said, well thought out reviews do encourage me to devote more of what little time remains to writing.

*sucks it up*

I've been reading this story for not very long at all--I think this is the first update that's come out since I started reading, actually--but I really quite like it, as Luna might say. As most fanfiction, it has its flaws--and don't worry, I'm quite happy to talk about those at length, as I'm a born critic--but the plot is intricate and well-thought-out, and the task of merging eleven-year-old-Harry and thirty-year-old Harry into a believable twelve-year-old is a difficult one which you have taken on rather skillfully.

...alright, I suck at positive reviews, I'm afraid, so you'll just have to take it on faith that I mean this to be a nice one. Be warned: I'm about to delve into the negative.

My biggest problem with this fic--other than that as a result of his transformation, Harry seems to have become rather a Stu--is the ages of the shipping. Harry is a believable eleven-cum-thirty-year-old, but Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, and especially Luna are completely unbelievable as eleven- and twelve-year-olds. Consider: most relationships formed at that age last about two months. I could maybe, maybe see Luna and Neville hooking up at that age and having it last, because Luna is just damn weird. (This is why we all adore her, right?) And it's less likely, but still possible, that I could see Ron and Hermione falling for eachother at that age, and having it last, because they neither of them like change, and once they go for something it takes rather a lot to drag them off their chosen path. But while I can see Harry falling for Ginny again, I cannot see her taking this with anything other than slap to his cheek, because let's face it, that's more than a little bit creepy. And I really can't see all three of these happening, all at once. Not when they're eleven and twelve.

On the other hand, I will love you forever if, as a direct result of Harry's interference, Hermione and Ron break up and Hermione and Neville elope in their seventh year, right after their big battle with Voldemort. And then Ginny knocks Harry out and he wakes up tied to her bed, and when he tries to be all noble and dignified and respectful, she climbs on top of him and snogs his brains out. That would be amazing.

My other problem with this is that it oftentimes feels like cheating to read it. That's not terribly coherent, so I'll try to expand it: Harry has too much advantage. They're too right, too often. It's a little--just a little, mind you--boring to read about people who are so right, so often. I'm kind of hanging around for the big confrontation where Harry tells everyone he's really future!Harry and that the reason he knows all this stuff is that he saw it happen. I'm hoping they all become furious at him and he's miserable for a while. Because reading this, it's like you just don't understand the concept of "going to Hell in a handbasket" as well as Rowlings does.

Now, for things specifically pertaining to this chapter...

Of course, subtle manoeuvring is useless when someone completely different button-holes you at the top of a flight of stairs. Harry stumbled as Percy gripped his elbow and steered him, quite firmly, into the older boy’s room.

"Oh Percy, this is so sudden!" Harry quipped in an airy falsetto, trying to buy time.

I loved this bit. And Percy's response is just so beautifully in character. But the rest of the scene is a little... jumbled? I don't want to go so far as incoherent... But look, Harry has no real reason to be suspicious of Percy--the reasons he gave are just not significant enough to be the whole explanation--so why does he let Percy know he is? Why does Percy let go of his suspicions of Harry's actions so quickly? Or if he doesn't, why does he seem to? The whole thing, after those gorgeous beginning lines, is dreadfully out of character, and frankly it doesn't make much sense.

I love the bit with Melissa, though. My kind of character; I hope we see more of her. (Actually, I'm sort of hoping she joins the Duelling Club.) (And brings her little sister with her. That would also be cool.)

Actually, that whole bit with Valentine's Day was quite well-handled. Kudos!

Terry Chang1 posted a comment on Wednesday 29th March 2006 12:10pm

Your story is kinda like a great television show. a viewer/reader always has a line in their head drawn that they don't think the storywriter will cross, and when the storyteller does cross that line, we're shocked and hooked. i'm definitely hooked on this story as you tend to go in the direction that makes me go Ted "woah" and want to keep reading more. Thanks for keeping up with the writing.

Andrew posted a comment on Wednesday 29th March 2006 12:04pm

quite enjoyable as always

Terry Chang1 posted a comment on Wednesday 29th March 2006 11:50am

i'm not very good at leaving reviews. i would just like to remark that chapters that start out like this one are my favorite. I enjoy the introspective part from another character's point of view. it makes it more...real, i guess is a good enough word. deepens the word that you've created into more of a 3 dimensional world than just a fan fic. I believe that there's another chapter in this story where you have it from Ginny's pov. That was another of my favorite chapters. would you ever do one from Percy's?

Bernd Jacobitz posted a comment on Wednesday 29th March 2006 4:53am

Very good story, the backflash sceens realy get to ones heart. And some very precise and well rounded characters. Realy good.
Please carry one soon.

erin5 posted a comment on Wednesday 29th March 2006 2:34am

Another brilliant chapter! I loved the Harry-Melissa interaction there at the end; I wonder how he'll be able to use a slytherin contact in the future. Luna's observations are also spot-on for her character. She's honestly one of my favorites. I love quirky people.

Tildessmoo posted a comment on Tuesday 28th March 2006 6:34pm

Excellent, as usual. And shall I guess that you borrowed the idea for drunken-style kung fu from Li's... incident? Not that it couldn't have come from other sources, of course, but knowing you're a Naruto fan...
As for why you're getting more reviews on "Team 8," well, I, for one, like that even more than I like this. Plus, Naruto is still constantly coming out with new episodes and manga whereas Harry Potter hasn't updated since HBP (which was relatively badly-received, at that) and won't again until the as-yet-untitled seventh book comes out, which won't be until at least next year. In other words, Naruto is more dynamic which means people think about it more and, therefore, give you their thoughts more often. Besides, "Team 8" is a start-over with a unique concept (Naruto and Kiba switching teams) whereas NFP is merely a new take on an old concept (go back in time and try to do things better the second time around).