Discipleoflilith posted a comment on Saturday 3rd August 2019 9:44am

I am absolutely in love with this story. I cried so hard losing jonin sensei Yuuri. Part of me wants to believe she pulled a wool over everyone somehow. Or if Itachi somehow used a genjutsu to make people see a fight that never happened & they talked. Out of everyone I feel like she would have known something was wrong with what happened with the massacre. Maybe they secretly teamed up. Sometimes the only way to get what you need is to simply vanish. If you are dead your no longer a threat to be worried about. I want Hinata to snap & leave the main family. Declaring them as brain washed & claiming that under her father & elders influence their blood has been weakened & to far manipulated. & declair a new line as the true Hyuga. The caged bird seal could be working like the cursed seal made by the snake traitor of konoha. Where it manipulates the mind so maybe Neji without it can think clearly & joins Hinata as her personal guard. With both of them gone I feel like Hinabi will start to see her fathers madness & slowly begin to move toward being with Hinata & Neji. Because once both Neji, Hinata leave he would focus solely on what is left & that's her. It's a sad thing but I think it would be her real world awakening. Maybe she runs & is being chased not thinking or knowing where she is going she ends up at Shinos compound or at Narutos & feels safe being in Yuuri's old home. Naruto is welcoming talks to her which for once maybe she cries because she doesn't know how to deal with being comforted & actually protected. Naruto being Naruto having no way of leaving Hinatas sister on her own could summon Shino by crushing the Kikai on himself which would alert Shino immediately. Only to find Naruto sitting defensively with Hinabi sleeping in a ball on the couch with tear tracks as Naruto explains everything. Also just saying I think Naruto would crush all bugs on him so if Shino's father placed one on him he would show up to the whole mess too. Which may spur him & his wife on to push more forcefully. That all being said these are just some cool ideas like adding in the fact that Naruto, Hinata, neji, lee, & some of the other rookies may seek to move closer to the Aburame compound. In Naruto's case he could pay for the house & walls to be moved to an empty space so Neji & Hinata could live in the same house as him while being close to Shino. Which I think Shino would actually be more than pleased with. Can anyone else imagine Shino walking to his compound & stopping short when sees changes around the area like in an open window he sees Tenten reading a book on weapons while her weapon polished tools sit on a coffee table. He sees his old sensei's house & he tries to dispel what he thinks is a genjutsu but nothing works. Lol He finds out about everyone moving closer & he can't hide how touched & pleased he is about that. They could also buy the left over housing & turn it into a larger training field. I'm sure all of the Aburame would love to see how far all of the kids have come & be floored with how well Naruto & Shino move. & when they find out Naruto signed the turtle contract instead of the toads because he was more worried about Shino & his allies would more than make them pleased. Lmao omg I want to see Hinata secretly sign the road contract. These are just some ideas that hit me because of reading this story. I love talking about writing & the story with the author. I don't give my opinion. I give constructive ideas & help modify techniques and ideas. Please feel free to contact me. Your an amazing writer. Thank you for sharing your story, & writing a with us all.

Kairan1979 posted a comment on Friday 4th March 2016 6:01pm

You know, it's a shame nobody took a good look at the forming teams. You don't have to be an expect to see that Team 7 was a disaster waiting to happen. Any other team roster could be preferrable.

Beo posted a comment on Thursday 7th May 2015 1:09pm

Sorry for not reviewing yet, but I'm still waiting for more updates.

Already got my heart broken by you once when the updates stopped coming. I'm hesitant to trust these last few updates because of that.

And while I greatly enjoyed your stories (at least I seem to remember to), I'm not quite prepered to become a patron.

Take care! :)

Jonathan Langford posted a comment on Monday 4th May 2015 11:22am

Rereading this (which I decided to do after you posted the "Reunions and Revelations" chapter) makes me wonder exactly what Hiashi's problem is with Hinata. Underperformance on her part might lead to a strict training regimen, but would not make sense for what seems to be a systematic attempt, not to make her better, but to destroy her both emotionally and physically--which seems to be his aim. The answer that makes the most sense to me is that Hinata's compassionate nature makes her, in his opinion, dangerously ill-suited to a position of clan leadership. Of course, there's also the possibility that he's simply a sadist, which seems likely enough...

Jonathan Langford posted a comment on Friday 1st May 2015 5:57pm

A very enjoyable chapter.

On the point you mention in the Author Notes: because of the way you have handled the last few chapters, it didn't actually seem like Naruto had been thinking it over that long. If anything, I was kind of surprised that he acted on this so quickly. But as you point out, it has actually been six months. And Naruto isn't the terribly patient type...

So, does Naruto have any idea what being a boyfriend and having a girlfriend means? I mean, at this point, he's, what, 12? Maybe 13? I know theirs is a different culture, but at that age, I would say that most kids have only a vague idea of what being a boyfriend/girlfriend involves--and I haven't seen a lot of evidence that kids in the Naruto-verse are that much further along in that regard. I can easily envision Naruto suddenly panicking because now he's got a girlfriend, and how is he supposed to act now? Fortunately, he isn't likely to ask advice from Jiraiya...

I also hope that we'll get to see some Sarutobi-Naruto interaction in the trip to Kumo. You've granted the old Hokago a lease on life, but we haven't seen much of him with Naruto. This would be an ideal chance--no matter what else you have up your sleeve for this episode...

Duraiken posted a comment on Thursday 23rd April 2015 11:41pm

This... man. Definitely feels like it generates a lot of emotion, seeing Naruto deliberating over the revelation that Hinata has had romantic feelings towards him for some time, and what means for him, if he could return said feelings. I'm probably going to need to re-read the whole story again to get the full impact, but it feels like a fairly natural prgression. Things'll only get tougher from her though, considering what they're up against. I can't really think of anything that stands out in a 'needs critiquing' sort of way, so I'll end it here. I'll be eagerly awaiting the next chapter. Later.

tangentsferret posted a comment on Sunday 29th March 2015 9:10pm

You, sir, have a sick, sick sense of humor. I like that in an author. Squirtle? Clothahump? Really? And about "The Four"... they are going to turn out to be, um... rather artistically named, aren't they. Does Naruto's universe even HAVE pepperoni? Anyway, glad to see you posting, please don't forget to let us know where/when to find that original fiction you mentioned (I still hope for an expansion of "Boomerang" someday), hope life co-operates. And once again, an only marginally sarcastic thank you for the "Mom points" I get for being able to discuss Naruto with my son: I would never have ended up knowing any of this if I hadn't gotten desperate enough during one of the longer dry spells on HPatNoFP to start reading something in a totally unrelated and unknown 'verse, just because the writing was so very good. Then, of course, I had to research the canon for background (I like your version much better, BTW), and BOOM, I ended up with a whole 'nother time-consuming obsessive hobby. (Sigh) Oh, and which one of the turtles is going to be the one who told the Tootsie-Roll kid to ask Mr Owl about how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?

Peregrine829 posted a comment on Sunday 15th March 2015 2:09pm

Lol, really? The "Four" with "occidental names"? I cannot wait to see the TMNT summoned. In any case, glad to see you're writing again!

Jonathan Langford posted a comment on Friday 13th March 2015 6:54pm

Very cool. I'm glad you're back, and hope that means only good things for other arenas in your life.

Meanwhile, I greatly enjoyed this chapter. I also like the way you're continuing to follow all three of the team members. And that Kurenai isn't simply gone from the story, now that she's dead. Sneaky lady...

Greg Johnson posted a comment on Wednesday 11th March 2015 7:34pm

Great chapter! I am glad to see Team 8 updated. :) I can't wait for more and thanks for posting.

slickrcbd posted a comment on Sunday 8th March 2015 10:19am

Interesting, almost seemed like an interlude, or a calm before the storm after the disaster of the chunin exam invasion.

This was all about development and training, a necessary arc, so I'm not complaining in the least. Good work.

KingDark posted a comment on Saturday 7th March 2015 1:12pm

An excellent chapter like always. The only thing - no the closest thing I have to say that's anything close to critisism is that when referring to their affinity, I think it should be wind and not air . Like I said, it's not really a mistake or anything, but it is what it is. It's not a real important detail. The other thing I just think about is when you wrote 'damned' I think you should have used 'damn it' in two words. I could be wrong though, but doesn't 'damned' have a different meaning as in 'He'll be damned to hell for his crimes' or 'Damn it, I nearly won that time.'

Kingdark

ShadeHawk posted a comment on Saturday 7th March 2015 6:15am

Very nice chapter.

So... turtles from Gai? Not going the reverse summon route (like e.g. not very serious "Vulpine"), or was it revealed after you planned the plot?

Clothahump ("Spellsinger"), Friend of All Children ("Gamera"), The Four ("Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"?), Kabuto and Squirtle ("Pokemon")... Would we see Master Oogway ("Kung Fu Panda"), Kurma (second Avatar of Vishnu), Maturin ("The Dark Tower"), Morla ("The Neverending Story")?

Turtles preach patience... and now I have image of Naruto in tranquil fury state. All the power of the fury, all the control of tranquility.

Also with turtles as summons Naruto would need to have some kind of "ultimate defense", isn't it?

Keep up good work.

Duraiken posted a comment on Saturday 7th March 2015 12:03am

I figured this would be updated next after Nightmares of a Future's Past, think S'tarkan mentioned as much though I can't remember for sure, but I wasn't expecting it so soon.

Honestly, in a lot of ways, this feels like a stronger story with these last two chapters than a hefty chunk of the story did. I'll have to reread it to be sure it's not just my memory coloring things, but it feels to me like this and the chapter right before it were stronger, grammatically and plot-wise than anything before it. If there's anything to criticise here, it's that there's not enough to sate my appetite, only to make me hungrier.

Also... is it just me, is there a few cameos / expies (The Four, the Friend of All Children?,) in the future of this fic? Gonna have to look up MST3000, only ever heard about those 'episodes,' and not sure where the unedited movies would be. I'm pretty familiar with most iterations of who I think The Four are, just need to get my hands on the comics someday.

Anyway, in conclusion, this was awesome, glad to see it again.

Quizer posted a comment on Friday 6th March 2015 11:49pm

Great to see this is finally being updated again! That place after Kurenai's death and funeral was an unfortunate spot for the story to be stuck in for that long. Good to see Naruto being able to move on and train to become stronger. I strongly approve of this version of Naruto's training with Jiraiya. Love the turtle contract. Naruto can definitely use more wisdom in his life.

Heh... I love the "He couldn’t believe it had taken over a week to get this stupid jutsu to work right." line. Priceless, as is Jiraiya's reaction.

Anyway, shouldn't Naruto's mindscape already look better thanks to Kurenai's influence? I guess her death might have set him back...

I also like the training the other members of Team 8 are doing. Shizune's reaction to Hinata's drive was nice, too, as was Tsunades appraisal of her potential. Hinata being trained as a medic nin isn't exactly rare in fanfiction, but Tsunade saying Hinata is going to (not might, is going to!) surpass her and placing her on Minato's level in her field surprised me. Should be interesting to see how she develops.

I'm not sure what's so special about Shino's new kama, though. Weren't they already collapsible before?

Shino and Tenten, huh? That came out of the blue, but Shino being the narrator in the training segment, I suppose that's not actually surprising... Guess we'll have to see if there is anything to Misato's needling.

Finally, some technical corrections. Feel free to ignore these if you can't be bothered, I guess. But you seem to appreciate your beta's services, so here's hoping you find this helpful:

In the previous chapter, "Iwagakure is misspelled as "Iwakagure"; the G comes before the K. There's also a bit where the space between the words "Konohashinobi" was eaten somehow.

In the current chapter, the word "kōhai" is rendered as "cohei". You can do "kohai" or "kouhai" if you don't want to bother with special characters, but "cohei" isn't even close.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter! Keep up the good work!

Quizer

Finbar posted a comment on Friday 6th March 2015 9:56pm

Holy Crap! A nw chapter of my favourite Naruto fic of all time!

Admittedly, it felt a little like a filler chapter, but great stuff!

Musings of Apathy posted a comment on Monday 3rd February 2014 2:07am

Thank you for the story.

About here in the progression, I want more than anything to see Hinata's father beaten, abused, charged with a crime or something, so you, kind writer, are successful. :)

Nancy Austin posted a comment on Monday 28th October 2013 12:52pm

I had avoided reading this because I had no idea what the original story was. I needn't have waited. The story was charming even for a complete newbie. I liked the occasional Japanese word that showed up. I took beginning Japanese 25 years ago. It reminded me of how much I missed the language. I look forward to the rest of the story. Thank you.

Rhyssia posted a comment on Friday 18th October 2013 8:32am

About to go back and reread the whole thing, but I did notice one thing. In chap 1, there is musing about 'what happened' to Sensei, Mattai, and Yuki - but in this chapter, you mention the third teammate is InuzukaNomaru. Anyway, off to reread! Joy! :)

Pointer posted a comment on Wednesday 16th October 2013 8:12pm

I don't believe I've ever seen a story where Naruto receives the Turtle contract...and only occasionally one where he refuses the Toads contract.

Still a ffine chapter. A lot of emotion and a good job showing some of the things one must deal with in the aftermath of a loved ones death.

Its a great story.