Team 8
First Blood
By Viridian
Reviews
dogbertcarroll posted a comment on Friday 28th July 2006 12:31am for First Blood
Excellent chapter. I like the changes in the
characters. It's nice to see them mature.
Does Hinata have to stay with her clan or can she
move out if she decides to? Naruto lives on his
own and seeing that may make her overcome her own
fears of being on her own. You know she has to
have considered it once or twice.
"If I’m not going to go insane and kill everyone, can we check on Hinata and Shino?"
*snicker*
That has to be my favorite line in this chapter.
How will having two colonies affect Shino's
jutsus? Are there more available now? Is the
second colony a different type? Will he end up
putting a second bug on everyone? Will Naruto
make adjustments to his clothes so they have a
place to hide on him where he actualy knows
where they are? Would hosting a coulple of
dozen help them replenish their numbers faster?
How much were the three MIs worth in the bingo
book? Do the ones who take them down get first
crack at the new jutsus they figure out from
their corpses?
Hinata and Naruto are forging their own path
to becoming a ninja. So how exactly will that
affect their choices? Different specialties
and alternate plans?
Great chapter.
Terry Swain posted a comment on Thursday 27th July 2006 4:10pm for First Blood
That Was a Great chapter. :)
RaphaelYervantian posted a comment on Thursday 27th July 2006 3:23pm for First Blood
Apologies for the horrible mispellings and grammar in my prior comment... I didn't notice them until after I submitted and there doesn't appear to be any way to edit the reviews one submits
RaphaelYervantian posted a comment on Thursday 27th July 2006 3:15pm for First Blood
Greetings
An excellent new chapter. Just wondering though - whith the primary focus on N and H, Shimo is remaining somewhat of a unknown quantity...as in, all the other meemebers of the teem including K are fighting ineer battles and growing but Shimo seems to not have anything going on other than a whole 'Spock' feel - he seems the odd one out - many less dimensions to the character. Is this intentional.
And one hopes the Hyuuga will get a loud wakeup call at some point - I'm finding it more interesting to watch H's growth than N's - possibly because N is only really suffering from a lack of knowledge and opportunity which K is rappedly amending - where H is having to recreate herself as a person...
Thanks so much. Everytime a new chapter comes out I read the whole story over from the begining - I've found that it's the only way to remember all the different threads - and it stretches out the enjoyment longer!
Regards
Raphael
kwp posted a comment on Thursday 27th July 2006 1:20pm for First Blood
Thanks, again, Matthew for another exciting and delightful chapter.
I enjoyed the insight into Naruto's thinking at the beginning of the chapter, especially the party about him learning to pay close attention to what Kurenai did. Trying to figure things out on his own is good practice, but also important. Naruto, while clearly capable of learning from instruction, seems to learn best by doing. Trying to reverse engineer how someone else achieves results will help him learn the how and the why faster than if she just told him.
However, never getting the hints on how to do anything correctly leaves one constantly starting from scratch. Naruto's astonishment that instructors are their to do anything else is both fresh and very believable to me, while at the same time vaguely heart wrenching. I doubt everyone had that emotion evoked by the exchange, but I did.
Speaking of the exchange at the beginning of the chapter, I really enjoyed the occasional inter-splice of the sparring session that Naruto and Kurenai were observing at the time. You managed to avoid the usual heavy dialog exchange, and still show us something. I enjoyed it.
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Naruto shrugged. "Iruka’s different. He grew up without parents like I did, so he cuts me a break."
and the next line"No," Kurenai said firmly, "he’s not. He’s doing his job properly. Evidently, he’s one of the few instructors that is."
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"Exactly," Kurenai murmured as Hinata leapt over Shino’s leg sweep. "A student that actually wants to learn is a blessing to a teacher. Why should I want to discourage that?"
and the next line
"But... why didn’t the instructors want..." Naruto’s voice trailed off. "It’s because of me, isn’t it?" he asked coldly.
In earlier chapters, Kurenai speculates to herself that all jonin develop quirks to handle the stress. I wonder if her own "No knowledge is wasted" and "Everything is a lesson" are the starts of her own stress adaption. Certainly more useful to her students than an obsessions with green spandex.
I am not sure that the ellipsis in the following quote are really necessary. The ellipsis earlier in the same paragraph works very well, however. It is your call of course:
Naruto couldn’t wait... he wanted to show everyone that he wasn’t just empty boasts.
I wonder what Hinata thought she was apologizing for when Naruto tells her she would never do something to be mean. Of course, I find it very amusing that he essentially mirrors the same words back at her that Hinata used herself when talking to Kurenai about Naruto. Good stuff.
The scene with the Rock ninjas at the border did a nice job of showing that Naruto's senses are getting sharper. He is able to catch fragments of the conversation that Hinata has to lip read to find out about. Speaking of which, lip reading and the Byakugan -- very nice combination. I wonder when Hinata's training about uncovering information might start to apply to her own household and home. When it does, and when she starts breaking out of the rut in her thinking, I expect we will have some interesting surprises.
I loved the ending of this scene. Naruto begins to internalize and realize the real cost of war. He begins to understand that heroes are more complex than his childhood dreams may have let them be. He begins to realize some of the burdens of the Hokage. And the foreshadowing of the last line, "he would think back on this conversation many times in the years to come," works very well for me. Once cannot tell from this line if a war is coming, or if the lessons and implications of an old war will wear upon his mind. Either way, the hints of what is to come leave me thinking about the future of the story and the character. So, well done.
Some people have commented on the changes in the naming of the techniques. I have no problem, as long as you are consistent. I really appreciate having them translated in the notes at the end. I also have no problem with Naruto giving two different names to the same technique, based solely on if he centers about himself and if he hurls in a direction. It seems in keeping with his character for him to praise himself by considering them separate 'special' jutsus.
However, I do have one question. You give us a sense or a hint of time between all of the scene breaks except the start of the grand battle and aftermath that is the last 3/4ths of the chapter. Have they been doing this 4 weeks, 6 weeks, or is this the next day after meeting the Rock ninjas?
I do not know if Hinata makes the right call her or not. However, she does make a decision. Given her indecision on so much else in her life, I agree that her sensei does the right thing after the battle in listening to her explanations and supporting her in making the call. I wonder how much self doubt Hinata will experience later on this point, though.
The battle as a whole does a great job of mixing the pace of the action and describing it without getting bogged down in every strike, twist, and countermove. I enjoyed it very much, and found it very thrilling.
Through out this battle, I am left unsure if Naruto is shielding himself from fire damage with his chakra, or just applying enough chakra to heal almost instantly from the injuries. The descriptions you have leave me unsure, and give me the impression that Naruto would have no idea himself. I suspect Kurenai will have an idea based on her observations, or will ask him to clarify for herself later.
cold black eyes gleamed like chips of obsidian.
Wonderfully vivid description, which combined with his "steel skin" jutsu later leave me with strong impression, but no evidence, of him as a Rock ninja.
Hinata ran upside! Very cool. No one comments on it after the battle, and Hinata's own recollection of how she handled things makes it clear that she might not even realize she did it.
In the first half of this battle, Naruto shows his creativity again. From the application of a jutsu intended to wash dishes and fill canteens to counter the fireball, to his use - twice - of his training weights as distance weapons, you show us his originality, rather than just tell us about it. Very good stuff.
Speaking of showing, I appreciate the fact that all of Team 8 make rookie mistakes of one kind or another in this battle. You show us their inexperience, without emphasizing it, and without reducing the great accomplishments or abilities that they do show. Hinata and Naruto freeze in the middle of the battle from unexpected information. Shino does not finishing incapacitating out his captive, and is then taken by surprise from a jutsu he should have expected. Simple mistakes that cost them dearly, and ones they will not make years from now.
Shino gives a very good showing of himself, here, though, and deserves strong praise. He moves effectively without being excessively flashy. He struggles on despite great injury. More and more, I admire and like his character for his strengths and dedication.
The pacing of the battle has both of his team mates out of action before the release of red fox chakra berserker. They do not see it. From what we gather after the fight, neither do our two rescued hostages, Konohamaru and Hanabi. Hanabi might have, given that we know her family's abilities see through light cover. However, her behavior seems to indicate strongly she did not see the resolution of the battle. With three enemies dead, only Naruto and Kurenai know what happened. This allows Naurto a little more time before his friends will see, but the consequences are not going to be that easy to put off.
The experience of killing a foe in battle is not one I am sure Naruto was ready for. The experience of not only killing his foes, but wanting them dead, wanting to see them suffer for a bit while they die, under the red haze of an inhuman fury... That I am sure he was not prepared for. His comment immediately afterwords about going crazy and killing everyone support that notion. He's going to have some processing to do over the next few days.
I am surprised about what thing in the battle. I expected to see Raiton: Shokkingu Haji used against are steel skinned foe. Given the build up from the last chapter on the use of this jutsu, and the power level being used, I was ready for Naruto to disable or outright kill his opponent with this junior level technique. I did not expect Naruto to punch his fists through him. Gruesome, and an ending to the fight that leaves Naruto with no way to lie to himself that he intentionally killed to of his foes.
The aftermath of the battle was well done. The relief force that showed up and their reactions to events played out very well. Hinata's clan moves slowly into the category of suspicion; of course Hiashi comes across as a pure jerk, and the arrogance he has encouraged in his heir rightly annoys Naruto. The question of why and what for still intrigue me, and Kurenai's lingers half voiced suspicions make me wonder where you are going with the long term plot of this story.
The motivations for this raid also come into question. Which kid was the target, and which one the victim of opportunity? Or, was one part of an alibi or cover story? Hmm... Good questions that leave me wanting to read more.
Hinata speaking up to remind Team 8 of its obligations - a priceless scene, especially as it involved standing up to her family! Naruto stepping in to defuse the situation, and being partly aware that he was doing so - wonderful!
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"No," Shino answered, shaking his head, "they think Naruto is the Fourth Hokage and are therefore terrified of him."
and the next lineNaruto wanted to sink into the earth
The confidence and pride that Shino's father demonstrates in him felt really good. I am glad to see that Shino finds himself progressing and developing more than expected as well, pushed by his sensei and his remarkable teammates. Getting a second colony seems something both meaningful to him and a demonstration to others of how pride his father has in his ability. Very nicely done.
Iruka being alive is something I expected, but was not sure about. I remained open to the idea that it could go either way, but am very glad that Naruto will have a bit longer to interact with his first real sensei. Besides, I like what you have shown us about a friendship between Kurenai and Iruka.
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"Well..." Naruto said, racking his brains for something to say to her. "More for us! I’m really starving, and Shino is eating for three now!"
and the next lineIn all honesty, the fight
Final comments:
I continue to enjoy this story very much. I look forward to seeing what the aftermath of this adventure well be. I thought the battle contrasted nicely with that in "Geniuses of Hard Work." Here, they responded with out a good plan, and were nearly destroyed. The warning they received earlier found concrete reality here. Yet they managed to overcome and survive. Where as in the earlier battle, Hinata gave the final conclusion to the battle, this time she "is the first to fall" and it is Naruto who carries the day. Only, no one but Kurenai and Naruto know the exact details. While Shino deduce what happened, looking at the injuries inflicted on their foes, and the blood that covered Naruto? What story will Naruto tell his teammates? And what *was* the purpose of this kidnapping? Has Iruka figured anything else out about the conspiracy against Naruto?
Needless to say, I eagerly await more.
Is this a meaty enough review to encourage you?
P.S. I appear to have posted this under "Geniuses of Hard Work" as well. Admins -- please delete the other posting.
Uldihaa posted a comment on Thursday 27th July 2006 9:36am for First Blood
Alright, a new chapter! This chapter was a good mix of action and introspection. The fight scene was exciting and I could easily visualise what was happening.
I also liked the way you were able to show hints of Hinata's home life to Naruto and Shino without forcing Hinata to talk about it. I'm looking forward to seeing how Naruto and Shino will react to those hints.
Gai's entrance was amusing and completely in character; I don't think Gai can do anything without making a big production out of it.
I do wonder about Tsume's comment about Naruto and the Yondaime, though. From the way it's written, it can be taken as either "How could anyone mistake a pip-squeek little genin as the Yondaime" or it could be read as "How could they think the Kyuubi-brat is the Yondaime!?". I know Naruto took it as the first way (which goes to show that he's learning that not every comment to/about him is about the Kyuubi). I just thought I'd point it out.
Looking forward to many more chapters of this great fic!
Prince Charon posted a comment on Thursday 27th July 2006 6:51am for First Blood
Interesting. Very, very interesting.
Thank you for the update.
More soon, please.
BlueJay posted a comment on Thursday 27th July 2006 5:23am for First Blood
First of all, I'd like to thank you for telling me where I could find this story. I'd been looking for it for a while and had almost given up hope of finding it.
One of the things that I love about this story is the MAJOR character developement. You show not only what a character does but go into detail mentally about why I character did it.
Your ability to clearly display to a reader actions is also a high point.
I absolutely hate the wait time in between chapters but I find that the time is well-spent because when the chapters do come out they are very well done.
That being said, I'm out of stuff to review about in order to 'motivate' you to write.
Quizer posted a comment on Thursday 27th July 2006 3:03am for First Blood
Yay, an update! This exceeds my wildest expectations! Here's the extra meaty review for you :D I hope it warrants a meaty response as well! Topics with a star (*) are ones I'd especially like you to respond to, but feel free to comment on anything.
I loved how Naruto finally got out something that quite clearly tells Hinata he likes her and that is impossible to misunderstand. It's about time he scored a relationship-critical hit like that.
The combat scene was great. I loved how Naruto used his weights as projectiles - very ingenious! It's things like this that show your imagination is not constricted by regular paths ans this is what makes your writing really shine.
Hinata's lip reading is also a good idea, and it is a skill she should train and become proficient in at all costs. Combined with the Byakugan, it would be an invaluable spying skill, priceless on a reconnaissance team.
I also liked the short scene from Kurenai's PoV, where she uses the genjutsu. Was she actually caught and used Kawarimi to get away while masking her escape with a genjutsu, or was it entirely faked? Kawarimi would fit, as she would have tossed the Kunai at her new position before switching. I like how your battle scenes have multiple layers like this, also inspiring the readers to look underneath the underneath!
The Doton jutsu Naruto used gave me an idea: It's described in the text how Naruto's overloading of the jutsu made the earth liquid. So why not adapt the jutsu: deliberately overload it and instead of affecting just the surface, it is applied to a three-dimensional area below the enemy, making them fall into the ground. Once the enemy is submerged, Naruto would release the jutsu, rendering the enemy buried alive. There are probably limits to using it this way, depending on how fast the ground turns liquid and whether it works in such a way that it can be made deep while constricting the vertical expansion of the mud 'puddle'. I also don't know how effective it would be against someone with shinobi reflexes, but I imagine it would be a devastating assassination technique if used against an enemy coming down from a jump. Tell me what you think of this idea. (*)
I also liked how Naruto shielded himself with chakra to defend against the initial fire attack. I really hope that Kurenai noticed that and confronts him about it. It's a great idea and another thing that gives Naruto with his enormous chakra capacity a unique opportunity and battle advantage. As this story aptly demonstrates, Naruto's development is so hampered in canon that the vast majority of his potential goes to waste and his unique abilities are barely able to compensate. Now, with a sensei (and an author) who thinks of all the angles, his battle strength grows so rapidly that he will soon appear broken compared to normal characters. I fully approve of this trend and hope to see it continue. (*)
I'm a bit disappointed that things didn't come to a head between Naruto and Hanabi, or between Kurenai and Hiashi. Or even Naruto and Hiashi, although that would have been unhealthy for Naruto if it escalated into a physical exchange of blows... Anyway, the way Hanabi acts, she could very conceivably have completely pissed off Naruto in the short time they spent in company. Not seeing a satisfying blowup yet leaves me feeling a bit frustrated, but I realize you are following your own schedule and it will likely be so much sweeter when it finally comes to pass.
Maybe the scene would be more satisfying to read if you added a reaction from Hanabi after Naruto chews her out after she butts heads with Konohamaru (disbelief, anger and a bit of glowering at each other, or something like that. There don't have to be any more words spoken.)
I'm also wondering about Hiashi's motives. He takes every opportunity - no, scratch that. He absolutely goes out of his way to smack down Hinata, to an extent that makes him appear really petty. Leaving and not eating Hinata's food just to spite her is downright childish. I can't help but wonder why he goes to such amazing lengths to be an arrogant arsehole. I don't pretend to understand a lot of that Japanese duty and honor stuff that Cheezem keeps harping on about in his discussions, but I doubt the reason lies there. However, I also doubt it's just because he's a certifiable bastard. So why does he take such perverse pleasure in crushing Hinata's spirit? (*)
You did a good job with the whole 'OMG Iruka died!!1!' thing. I wondered briefly when I started reading the scene whether it would turn out to be false information, but I was more prepared to believe it, as Iruka does fit the martyr mold and he isn't really needed. The ominous chapter title also pointed in that direction. I was pleasantly surprised at the end of the chapter when it turns out he survived. I was prepared to live with it, though; it would have worked either way.
Still, it's probably better that he survived. The whole 'bad guys kill the Hero's mentor' thing IS a bit cliché, even though you could have pulled it of without compromising the quality.
In some stories, scenes like this make you feel betrayed or resentful at the author for playing with the reader's feelings, but in this case, it's decidedly not like that, and that is a real accomplishment you can be proud of.
A general thing: Just how good are medical jutsus? What can the people at the Konoha Hospital do and what not? How quickly can someone with Iruka's kind of injuries, but not Naruto's accelerated healing recover?
The translations at the bottom of the chapter have been very useful, but the second fire jutsu the enemy ninja used wasn't listed there. I don't know if it was one of your own jutsus or a canon one, but I think it should still be in the list if it has a Japanese name, at least for the first appearance.
Anyway, I'm really looking forward to the aftermath of the fight, with Kurenai and the kids going over the fight again and analyzing everything. I enjoyed that part after the last fight and I'd like to see a such a debriefing for this one as well.
Whew, that's all for now. I spent several hours going through the chapter again and writing this. Hope this isn't too long, but your writing really inspires dedicated reviews in me! Looking forward to your response!
Quizer
Terry Chang1 posted a comment on Thursday 27th July 2006 1:39am for First Blood
He felt something snap inside.
"I’LL KILL YOU!!!"
goosebumps, freaking lots of them. arms are shivering with goosebumps.
wow. damn straight he'll kill them.
Darrell1 posted a comment on Wednesday 26th July 2006 11:55pm for First Blood
Great Chapter, just awesome. Please update soon
Canis posted a comment on Wednesday 26th July 2006 11:40pm for First Blood
This chapter provided a pleasant diversion.
That said, as much as I enjoy this story, I've been eagerly awaiting the next chapter of Nightmares of Future's Past since you posted the year two epilogue chapter so...PLEASE, PLEASE update that one next if possible? Please? *picks up his squirming sixty pound puppy dog in hopes that he'll cooperate and give the author the 'cute puppy dog eyes'*
Well, whatever's next, Team 8 or Nightmares, I'm quite sure I'll enjoy it.
Adrian R Brown posted a comment on Wednesday 26th July 2006 11:21pm for First Blood
Another great chapter! As always, this is most likely my favorite story in all of fanfiction.
You've definitely done a good job of making the Hyuuga come across as the biggest bad guys in the story. I look forward to the time when they begin to get put into their place, and their eyes are forcably opened. Hopefully soon. :)
I loved the characterizations of Shino's and Kiba's father and mother, respectively. I'm always happy to get glimpses into the families in the series that we rarely ever seem to see. It's also good to see Shino beginning to see what weaknesses lie in his dependence on the bug colonies. Hoping it will lead to him developing other, non-bug related, skills.
I'm curious to see how Naruto deals with the aftermath of his two kills, once it catches up with him. I also liked the touch about his resemblance to the 4th Hokage. Are you planning on doing anything with Naruto's parentage in the series?
Great stuff! Keep it up!
Adrian (Sobek)
Nick posted a comment on Wednesday 26th July 2006 8:07pm for First Blood
Behold the power of meaty reviews eh? Well not quite, meaty, but perhaps an appetizer.
Great story, great chapter.
Not too many comments (yet) but....
Since Lisuke the Ice Knife (and presumably Kouro the Flame and Kazuyo the Anvil) are in the Bingo Book, does that mean they have bounties on their heads? Won't the bank be surprised when Naruto deposits two of 'em.
Huugas aren't making many friends are they? You can't leave Hinata to deal with them herself! Well maybe you could, but I can't see anything good coming out of it. Hiashi needs a radical change in attitude to accept her and if he does than the next thing he is likely to do is pull her from a "common" team. Especially her team. On the other hand I'm not sure how Naruto or Kurenai could back her up. Naruto can't do much without agravating Hiashi still more, and then the only solution would be to remove Hinata from his sphere of influence (direct influence at least). And Kurenai has to stay within the dictates of Shinobi society, with their strict seperation of duty and home...
On jutsus...Naruto's main strength seems to be the fact that he can ridiculously overpower simple jutsus. A simple water condensation jutsu overpowering a (presumably) fairly high level fire attack jutsu...
ROFL! Sorry. I just realised that Naruto just replicated the Chidori without actually performing a jutsu. Piercing jutsu right? Goes through most any defence? Like Naruto's arm, through steel plated chest? ROFL.
Anyway, I do want to make a suggestion: limit jutsus that Naruto can significantly improve by pumping more chacra into them to fairly simple ones....say ones that require only one or two hand seals. The way I understand it the seals are supposed to direct the flow of chakra so the more seals there are the more intricate the pattern chakra is supposed to form, the harder it is to control the jutsu. And Naruto already has control problems. It's just that this is anawesome story and I'm afraid that at the rate you are going you aren't going to leave Naruto any threats. I mean he just took on two trained nins (presumably they are mid to high level chuunin) in a row and wiped the floor with them. Admitedly they seriously underestimated him and thus didn't turn serious until too late, or had anger and disbelief clouding their better judgement, but still. Though...it is realistic, since Gaara of the Desert regularly wipes the floor with Chuunin (and has taken down at least one Jounin). Hmmm. Yep, great story.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
Eliew posted a comment on Wednesday 26th July 2006 5:55pm for First Blood
Just a few comments/questions, why is Konohamaru addressing Naruto as Naruto-san rather than Naruto-niisan and shouldn't Naruto require some counselling after the battle. Afterall, this is probably the first time he had killed somebody.
Other than that, the chappie is interesting. Just wondering though, how close to canon will you be following, especially regarding Naruto's techniques and training methods.
NeoFenrir posted a comment on Wednesday 26th July 2006 4:19pm for First Blood
Anything with Naruto going Kyuubi in defence of his friends is good with me. Team 8 interaction (especially between Naruto and Hinata, but oddly enough I really like your version of Shino) is always welcome. Insinuations of a relationship between Naruto and the Fourth are good.
The quality of the writing is, as always, superb, and though I do wish updates to this (and Nightmares, of course) would come a bit sooner, I certainly understand why they don't. So please, continue with this excellent story; I anxiously await the next installment.
tzuchan posted a comment on Wednesday 26th July 2006 2:57pm for First Blood
Hmm...
One question, why did Naruto change the name of the chakra pulse?
In the previous chapther, you had him using Naruto Higi, and in this one you had him using Naruto Majutsu(Which is closer to Naruto Magic then Naruto Technique(Sorcery) if you ask me...)
asher1978 posted a comment on Wednesday 26th July 2006 2:51pm for First Blood
Another great chapter with Naruto growing a a little. Great fight sequence. I really like this team of genins. Keep up the great work and more soon please!
glorfy posted a comment on Wednesday 26th July 2006 1:40pm for First Blood
as always, an excellent update.
it should be interesting to see how naruto handles the fact he just got his first kills.
and Hinita really kicks ass when she has to, ne?
im guessing that getting a second colony is some kind of rite of passage for shino, but either way he seemed to be shocked.
cheers for your hard work
-Glorfy
Arkeus posted a comment on Friday 28th July 2006 2:28am for First Blood