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Jonathan Langford posted a comment on Monday 4th May 2015 11:22am for First Blood

Rereading this (which I decided to do after you posted the "Reunions and Revelations" chapter) makes me wonder exactly what Hiashi's problem is with Hinata. Underperformance on her part might lead to a strict training regimen, but would not make sense for what seems to be a systematic attempt, not to make her better, but to destroy her both emotionally and physically--which seems to be his aim. The answer that makes the most sense to me is that Hinata's compassionate nature makes her, in his opinion, dangerously ill-suited to a position of clan leadership. Of course, there's also the possibility that he's simply a sadist, which seems likely enough...

Nights Silhoutte posted a comment on Sunday 3rd February 2013 7:39pm for First Blood

A fabulous chapter, loved the fight scean.

jgkitarel posted a comment on Saturday 22nd December 2007 9:30am for First Blood

Interesting work here, and it was nice seeing Naruto's channeling of the Kyubi's chakra. Admittedly, on the bridge he didn't do badly, but Kurenai's influence is starting to tell, so he is considerably more lethal here than he was fighting against Haku.

I also see that you're portraying Hiashi as the stereotype he is often portrayed as, but he's a bastard regardless of how you interperet things.

Viridian replied:

There are reasons why Hiashi is so nasty - but they won't be revealed for a while yet... (Not that he isn't quite a bastidge in canon as well, but he's worse here.)

Pleather Boots posted a comment on Sunday 29th July 2007 5:37am for First Blood

Naruto wasn't the only one shouting in glee for Iruka's survival. Hanabi and Hisashi are a pair of jerks, but that's been a given;too bad they don't have pensieves to see what Hinata is really capable of. I loved the mention of Ebisu! Ero-baka, LOL. I wonder if Jiraiya will show up sometime soon. Guess I'll have to keep reading to catch him. SB!

barry1 posted a comment on Saturday 12th August 2006 10:42am for First Blood

I truly like this story. I like how you have the people in the story growing without rushing them. About the only bad thing is the slow updating time.

Manatheron posted a comment on Wednesday 9th August 2006 6:37pm for First Blood

Intersting, Intersting.... I hadn't realized that you Published this fic as well (alas) You do a wonderful job describing the interactions between The Hyuuga, as well as Keeping us interested in how naruto is being treated. I must admit that I feel you are foreshadowing that Haishi is behind a vast majority of the anamosity that naruto is expirencing... Perhaps I'm reading it wrong however.

The Mention of 'the Yellow Flash' could also potentially be an intersting bit of foreshadowing... Out of courisity, Will naruto be training under Jirayia at all? or will he not feel it necessary as he is being pushed quite well by his current training regimnet?

Anyway, I'm about to adjust my Alert Status, Please keep up the good work!

Manatheron

KingDark posted a comment on Wednesday 9th August 2006 3:55am for First Blood

I really really like what you have written so far! Keep up the good work.
I can't wait for the next chapter.
Kingdark

MstrSwrd posted a comment on Tuesday 8th August 2006 1:49pm for First Blood

I would actually like to ask a question, even though that was not something you requested. When Naruto called on Kyuubi's power in this chapter, was it like that time with Haku, in which an insane amount of Demonic Chakra poured out of his body? Or like when he fought Orochimaru in the Forrest of Death, in which he only called on a small amount of Kyuubi's Chakra, making him attack relentlessly, but still somewhat in control? Or wa sit somewhere in between that? If you could just make a small mention of it in the next chapter, I would be very grateful (As would anyone else who would be wondering this).

Thank you for your time.

Viridian replied:

"Everything seemed to be covered by a red haze, and Naruto vaguely realized that the Kyuubi’s red chakra was exploding out of his skin. He wondered if this meant the seal was breaking, but he didn’t really care as long as it meant he could stop them from hurting his friends. "

That's directly from chapter 7. Not sure how to make it any clearer. =)

Jake Anderson posted a comment on Monday 7th August 2006 8:21am for First Blood

Even though I have never seen an episode of naruto,I found myself liking this fic.

Orion posted a comment on Sunday 6th August 2006 1:21pm for First Blood

While I've enjoyed your HP fics, I've avoided Team 8 for quite some time. Finally, i managed to get around to watching a few episodes of Naruto and quickly found myself a fan. This is the first fan fic i've read for Naruto, so I can't say if it is the best or not, however I certainly expect to find that it is indeed among the best. Very good fic.

atlantis-rob posted a comment on Tuesday 1st August 2006 11:32pm for First Blood

Jeez I am a few rocks behind it seems, I forgot you updated this recently too! An excellent chapter, I like Naruto's talk with K in the beginning and it makes a great point or two. The skirmish with the stone nin was well done, but really it was the kidnapping battle that rocked! Excellent work with Hinata and shino and K and Naruto's defense of them. The fight worked out great I only had 2 read it 2 times to get a good hold of it :) And excellent wrapup at the end! Cheers!!!!

Prince Charon posted a comment on Tuesday 1st August 2006 3:34pm for First Blood

Reading this, I kind of wonder if any of the Rock-nin were close enough to observe the fight.

Might make them even more convinced that the Blond Flash is watching the border.

Kuro posted a comment on Sunday 30th July 2006 4:06pm for First Blood

Im quite picky when it comes to fanfiction, but this particular story is so well written it has caught my interest. The way you write your characters is very acurate and makes this story all the more believable because of it. I also really enjoy the way you build up Hinata and Naruto's relationship, in many stories the writers rush it and it becomes sloppy. Please keep up the awesome work, Im looking forward to the next chapater!

cobwebanne posted a comment on Saturday 29th July 2006 10:38pm for First Blood

I loved this chapter. It didn't just have a huge fight raging in the middle of it, there were also so many great little character moments.

I thought the Iruka arc in this chapter was well done. Reminding us about Iruka, letting Naruto find out that Iruka really cares about him, and then letting us/Naruto think that Iruka is dead worked really well.


It took a lot for Naruto to lose control here. Many of his precious people were threatened. This chapter threw up a lot of moments for Naruto to deal with later. Naruto's mental state when he goes back over these events, particularly "enjoying the weak man's terror" will need to be handled carefully. Also, this is the first time he's killed, something that he won't be able to just brush off, judging by his reaction to Kurenai's story about the 4th Hokage.


Hinata's journey also coming along nicely. SHe's this odd mixture off an inability to deal with things on a personal level. But she's asserting herself more and more on a strictly professional level as a kunoichi as well as to protect her precious people. I love Hinata!

WHat's the bingo book?

Hanabi is such a snotty little brat. I trust that she will be getting her comeuppance soon.

Favourite line...
"The last was the dull scrape of sharp steel on bone as a kunai was rammed into the base of his skull."

I wasn't entirely sure about the pacing at the beginning of the chapter. I'm not sure how it could be avoided, as Kurenai IS their teacher, and the section about questions set up the reminder about how much Iruka cares for Naruto. Also I suspect that Naruto's likeness to the Yellow Flash of Konoha is going to come back. But the first couple of scenes felt like they involved a lot of Kurenai telling team8 stuff.

I can't wait for the next installment!

Cobwebanne

Patrick O'Shea posted a comment on Saturday 29th July 2006 5:09pm for First Blood

Hi, had this fic recommended to me by a friend. I'm really enjoying this retelling of Naruto, it looks like you've done a lot of research in writing it. And it shows!

Great job!

Clayton posted a comment on Saturday 29th July 2006 10:17am for First Blood

I think you overdid it with Hanabi. In canon we don't really know much about her except the fact that her father trains her alot. I've learned though that one of the Japanese games has Naruto dating people and one of the choices is Hanabi and she talks about how isolated she is. If they were to become friends I can't imagine Hanabi being that bad. And PLEASE slow down on the romancy stuff, I don't mind NaruHina but keep in mind they're only about 12 years old(kinda useless telling you this considering your other fic) and as such there can't be that much. On type of that I can't imagine ninja being the kind to get into relationships so easily.

ShadeHawk posted a comment on Friday 28th July 2006 10:42pm for First Blood

I wonder why neither of Team 8 didn't try to use Schocking Grasp on "Anvil" in his metal skin form; I don't think his skin was insulated, was it?

On the other hand, how Naruto was able to pierce metal skin without breaking his hand as well?

Vtigo posted a comment on Friday 28th July 2006 5:12pm for First Blood

Ok Viridian you gotta update this again soon, this fic is great!

Perrix posted a comment on Friday 28th July 2006 1:56pm for First Blood

“Katon: Gurando Fenikkusu Kachuu” – Fire Release: Grand Phoenix Vortex

If you notice, most of that phrase is listed in a Katakana format, which is basically the english word slammed into japanese characters.

To really get a better name for techniques, look through some Japanese legends and myths.
They might not have the Phoenix, but I do know of a Yuki-Onna, which is a woman that sucked the warmth out of people and lived on the top of mountains.

It just sems less of a "shinobi" technique when it has american words in it.

Grand Phoenix Vortex could be translated like this:
Shikou Hitori Kachuu - Supreme Firebird Vortex

Another one of these would be the Raiton: Shokkingu Haji!

Shokkingu = Shocking

Look for a word like "Lightning" (Denkou or Raikou) or "Thunder" (ikazuchi, jishinkaminarikajioyaji [holy mother of jeebus that is a long one], or hekireki)

Other than that, I have to say that this is a great story that I am enjoying following. The idea of Naruto being the muscle of the group of people meant to be scouts seems a plausible reason to put him in Team 8 rather than Team 7 and the way you play Kurenai seems to be a good way to portray her.

Reccomendation - Seeing as he was spotted by several people from the Stone, they might report that to their leader, leading him to believe that the death of the Yellow Flash was just a rumor to put them off guard. Perhaps in a Chuunin exam the Stone nins could be looking for a blond person, and Naruto has to hide his hair in some sort of headband. Pity if it was knocked off during a fight between them though... *smirk*

Also, going back to the last thing about Japanese words. I believe that techniques need to be streamlined, you are not going to really yell out loud "Shounetsujigoku" because by the time you finish the target is closer or farther away. Perhaps use the word "Makai or Jigoku" in their place.

Other than that there is only a plea form me to you for you to update more often, as it is quite hard to find a good piece of fiction like this and have it keep my interest.

-Perrix

KlosetAuthor posted a comment on Friday 28th July 2006 9:47am for First Blood

I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. Actually I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the whole story so far. Particularly the realistic take on Naruto and Hinata and their development. I had been worried that if they didn’t go on the bridge mission how the development in Naruto’s character that took place there would take place. I really enjoyed how you did it and particularly the resultant growth in Hinata’s character, though I would have hoped you would have spent more time on the making it clear to Hinata that she was more powerful when she was protecting someone she cared about. With only the little bit that it was discussed with her, I’m concerned it may stick due to her lack of confidence. There was evidence, the slight steel in her voice, that it had a strong impact, but without seeing her emotions, it concerns me exactly how strong the experience was for her. Hopefully you’ll give us a little glimpse into her feelings about it later. We didn’t get much of Naruto’s feelings about it other than his confusion, hopefully well see some more of his as well, as he actually looks a little weaker about it than Hinata does.

One of my concerns was also about Naruto’s introduction to the Kyuubi’s power. You covered it well enough that there is no concern in my mind that the situation was enough for the power to be drawn out, but you seemed to be glossing over it. It just wasn’t as dramatic as it was in the original Anime and Manga. If you wanted the affect to be dramatic, please disregard if you were trying to gloss over it, I think you could have taken a little longer to explain. (Give me enough time to start the Heavy Metal Butt Wupping music in the back of my head.) You can keep this from making the fight look long by adding statements that mention how quickly everything seemed to be happening to him and how fast everything was flashing through his head. (You don’t want to make JKR’s mistake that makes everyone think that the battle between Dumbledore and Voldemort was slow. It wasn’t, it had to very quick portions and a bit of posturing in the middle.)

You covered the emotions that Naruto was feeling and what inspired him them while Naruto was getting enraged enough to bring out the Kyuubi’s power, but I couldn’t feel it. If you would have maybe talked about Naruto’s feelings for each person that had been hurt, Iruka, Hinata, Shino… maybe include some of his memories about good or otherwise cherished times with them, you could even show some experiences we didn’t see, then I might have had a bit more empathy for Naruto’s situation. (If you recheck the Anime/Manga I believe you’ll find that is what happened there to make us as angry as Naruto when Sasuke was hurt.) I think a couple of memories about Iruka, maybe some thoughts about how he wasn’t going to be able to eat ramen with him and brag about his mission might have made his death feel more poignant. Maybe some thoughts about how confused Naruto was about Hinata, but how much he enjoyed training with her could make her being injured more significant. Any fond memory or thought about Shino, especially since we see so little of his feelings about the guy might have made it seem like Naruto suddenly realized exactly how important his teammate was to him. Do that and maybe throw in some thoughts about everything Kurenai had done for him and you’d have had us all screaming for Naruto to rip their lungs out! (or something equally gruesome;)

The line, “I did not just hear that,” was cool, but it usually connotes a confidence in the ability to beat someone that I don’t think Naruto had. I think you were trying to better show how upset Naruto was or his outrage. I think you might have done better with something along the lines of: “this can’t be happening,” and then show some of his memories or his not having the chance to do tell him how much he cared or how thankful he was or just brag over ramen like I mentioned above.

But back to the parts I loved about this story. I really enjoyed how you described how Naruto just walked over the two Jonin. Catching the Iron dude’s fist was just classic. I also really enjoyed the way you described the way he was reacting to the kyuubi’s chakra and killer intent, particularly the way he had to snap out of it before Hinata got hurt and how he was concerned about what it all meant. I enjoyed the way you described his change from the way Naruto felt, but you made it sound like he knew what was happening and I don’t get the impression he would have. You could have talked about the sharp pains on his face for instance, but state he didn’t know what it was as the whisker marks got deeper. You could also mention he didn’t care to increase the drunken rage effect.

I also enjoyed the way the Stone ninja reacted about Naruto’s resemblance to the 4th. I suspect they knew the 4th was dead, but the fact that the Genin jumped to a wrong conclusion about the stone ninja’s presumably wrong conclusion was a sign of a good Author, who realizes that not all his characters know everything he does. I find a lot of novice authors make this mistake.

I’m looking forward to where you take us from here!


Your friendly Neighborhood KlosetAuthor