Dementist posted a comment on Tuesday 8th August 2006 2:53pm for Welcome to Konoha

You write Hikaru incredibly mature for his age, especially if he's only ten. There are also a few plot holes, such as where Hikaru describes working with chakra and suchlike. He mentions that he can hold a Henge for half an hour, but how could he possibly know that if he has never been able to perform the jutsu due to the chakra supression field. This is only one of many mistakes.

While it does make for an interesting origin, to have spent his entire life in a prison cell, it is riddled with problems, all of which stem from the fact that he has zero experience at living in the real world. This fic has real potential, but needs severe cleaning up.

Viridian replied:

Please pay attention to what the  story actually says  before you tell me it's full of holes.

I never said Hikaru couldn't do jutsus in the cell, only that the old man couldn't. He just had to fight the field to do it. Remember when he was hanging by his feet, but the old man made him get down whenever he heard the guards approach? He got a rush when the suppression field disengaged because he's been training under it all his life. That's why his chakra control is so good for someone his age. (Analagous to wearing weights or training in artificial gravity.)

Yes, he has no personal experience, but the old man has been teaching him since he was old enough to talk, and part of the old man's agenda was preparing Hikaru for the day he might eventually break free. There are still gaps in his knowledge, and it's only as current as when the old man was imprisoned, but the old man trained his memory to be incredibly sharp (something a seal expert would need is a nearly photographic memory) because he's pretty much limited to oral instruction.

And yes, he's mature... and he's a sarcastic, cynical little bastard too. That happens when you don't have a childhood. He's just imitating his sensei. Shinobi kids in canon are way more mature than in real life (doing missions / killing people for money at age 12, or even younger for Kakashi and the prodigies), and at least some of them have 'relatively normal' home lives.

In case you missed it, his whole background was crafted to give him that maturity and personality.

Brandon West posted a comment on Tuesday 8th August 2006 2:46pm for Welcome to Konoha

Heh. Naruto made as much if not more noise than the theives.

Gonna be interesting to see these three try to work together.

Viridian replied:

True, but Naruto wasn't trying to be quiet either.

Well, 2 are still in the academy, and Naruto is on team 7. But I'm sure they will get up to something in their free time.

QOShea posted a comment on Tuesday 8th August 2006 1:36pm for Welcome to Konoha

Matt,

I love the story. This and Team 8 are quite likely the BEST Naruto fanfics I've read. Character development, action, and a hot tempered redhead, what more could you ask for?

Don't let the turkeys get you down!

QOShea

yerocfponk posted a comment on Tuesday 8th August 2006 12:03pm for Welcome to Konoha

First off I love all of your stories, and Team 8 actually got me reading Naruto again. I like your Hikaru haven't really gotten a feel of whether or not I like Asuka yet. I'm eagerly anticipating the next chapter and their conversation with Naruto.