Team 8
Preliminary Mayhem
By Viridian
Reviews
Giringiro posted a comment on Sunday 30th December 2007 5:40am for Preliminary Mayhem
This was astounding as usual. I hope you don't mind the fact that I review sparsely... Should I remind everyone of how flawless this story is, every time you update? It would constitute a sort of spamming...
Shikamaru and Chouji's fights were the best ones. They're not much into the story yet, but I see why you would include Chouji and Shikamaru's fight instead of glossing over them. I think they must be fun characters to write.
Are Kurenai and Asuma close in this AU? I'm guessing Kurenai's tragic past might have kept her a loner until this point.
I'd also like to spend a word saying I can't wait until you get to Jiraya (assuming you're going to use him for training against Neji of course).
I care very little for canon's second arc, but at least the latest offering gave substance to Jiraya's whimsical characterization, making him a sort of character I can't help but root for (frankly, he's an older Naruto).
That said, I know I'll thoroughly enjoy your fiction anyway. Thanks!
rathvander posted a comment on Friday 28th December 2007 12:23pm for Preliminary Mayhem
Shino's dialogue just takes the cake. Delivered with such underwhelmingly overwhelming intensity tis grand.
Oh and the one hit KO of Sasuke was rather nice as well.
Thanks for the read.
Oh and glad you didn't decide to stop ^_^.
zagan posted a comment on Friday 28th December 2007 9:47am for Preliminary Mayhem
I possitively love it, best chritsmas gift ever.
So Hinata still lose, I admit I was expecting it, while she's much better than in canon, neji is still a very powerful ninja. Perhaps she could have won if she remove her weigth before the figth and use a killing blow as a first move, that could have work. But of course she wasn't willing to kill him, and for the story she need to lose to motivate Naruto. Naruto "fight" with sasuke was just perfect, I hope you will show us kakashi reaction, sakura and ino migth be fun too.
I hope the next come soon, two monts perhaps ?
Rasmus Johansen posted a comment on Friday 28th December 2007 4:57am for Preliminary Mayhem
Keep up the good work, i'm anxiously awaiting the next excellent installment of this story
Quizer posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 4:11am for Preliminary Mayhem
Ouch... I don't envy Neji. He's badly matched against someone who can shrug off Jyuuken blows, and the canon Naruto already cleaned his clock pretty good. It's going to be fun to see what a thoroughly pissed-off Team 8 Naruto will do to him.
Loved the 'match' against Sasuke. Emo boy miscalculated rather badly and it cost him. I wonder what this crushing defeat will do to his superiority complex. There are few ways to better drive home the point that he isn't as hot as he thinks he is.
I only realized Kurenai thought Naruto lost the match when reading the group responses and checking back. Perhaps a bit too subtle. Or I just didn't pay enough attention, since it is there.
Loved Shino's 'flower/funeral' comment. Very descriptive, and very apt, too. I could absolutely see Naruto do it, possibly only backing down when Hinata begs him to spare her cousin. Maybe owing his life to her would put things into perspective for Hyuuga Neji.
You took me off guard with Naruto's deception at the beginning. I was already growing disappointed in you as a writer, thinking 'that usually isn't Matt's style', but I'm ashamed to say I didn't question it more thoroughly than that.
That bit with the medic nin was strange. The reason for his surprise (respect even?) was Naruto's 'Curse seal, whoop-de-doo' response, right?
I liked that bit where Naruto swung Hinata around. It was one more small misunderstanding between them regarding their feelings/motivations. One of these days Naruto ought to have assembled enough dots to connect some more of them.
The other fights were also very interesting. Can't wait to see the next part, where Naruto kicks Neji's ass. Or will that have to wait for the chapter after next, since there's a month of space before that?
Quizer
ShadeHawk posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 12:20am for Preliminary Mayhem
Few thoughts after reading [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naruto]Naruto article at Wikipedia[/url] to know what is in original plot.
About Death Forest: Water jutsu (well, acid jutsu) without body of water nearby by the genin team?
About Naruto seal: I wonder why Orochimaru didn't try to seal the demon fox's chakra, rendering Naruto unconscious (although I wonder why: Naruto can use his own chakra reserver (blue chakra), which should also be quite large doe to having chakra pathways widened by Kyubi chakra). And what are the differences between seals used on Gaara and on Naruto.
About cursed seal: On one hand Sasuke fought two long battles less where there was strong temptation to use Cursed Seal (against Yoroi and against Gaara), on the other he killed engulfed in Orochimaru's cursed seal. Anko has inactive cursed seal; perhaps that would help... if she remembers it in this story arc of course.
About exam: Do I understand correctly that third of Sand team (Kankuro) didn't have to fight because with Ino and Sakura knocking themselves out there was enough place for finals, and as his fight was scheduled last it was he that didn't have to fight (and his opponent of course)? Because teams were dissolved, and two of his teammates winning should matter none.
Did Rock Lee open to 5th gate as in original, or just 1st as shown to Naruto during training? I hope he didn't get crippled like in original... Do I understand correctly that he fought using Goken (and Lotus), and not Drunken Fist, as he would have no time to master new style?
Hmmm... I do wonder who would fight against Gaara in the third round. If it would be Shikamaru, wouldn't Gaara be suprised and annoyed if Shika, after thinking a bit before match or at the match beginning, wouldn't forfeit the match?
How would Naruto train to fight against Neji? Would Neji train to fight against Naruto or is he too arrogant?
About invasion: If Naruto realizes soon enough that arena is being put under sleep jutsu (it is genjutsu, isn't it?), and can resist it long enough, I do wonder how this sleep jutsu would fare against Chakra Pulse technique. This one event (Naruto learning this jutsu) can change a lot, I think. As insects according to lore are immune to genjutsu, and Aburame Shino is Naruto teamate (I guess that Hinata could be still weak or even in hospital in a month)... But pehaps invasion plans would get discovered earlier?
Ideas for jutsus use: The Kage Bunshin (together with Henge) can be used for spying, as one didn't have to worry about being caught (just dispell clone) or having to return with information (most difficult part). I wonder if clones can use Kawarimi to work as kind of rescue squad (enhancing the idea of one of reviewers that Naruto can use substiturion technique more to get his teammates out of tight spots, like with Hinata during preliminary rounds). Perhaps Naruto should learn to call Kyubi chakra without need for either near-death experience or rage... Hinata could help with that, just like with water walking jutsu.
Viridian replied:
Not large amounts of water needed, and in middle of forest.
Orochiamru never really got a chance to hold him still for a minute to do it, Naruto wasn't using the fox chakra that much until the end, and once he did, using the seal to explode him seemed more fun for Orochimaru.
Gaara's seal is definitely second rate, given the side effects.
No fresh contenders left for Kankuro to fight, so he got the "Bye". Luck plays a role in the exams as well.
Lee's endurance was higher, so his muscles and bones didn't tear. Gai had also been warned by Kurenai that Gaara was a psycho, so pulled Lee out of the fight before Gaara could cripple him.
Michael Beck posted a comment on Wednesday 26th December 2007 3:16pm for Preliminary Mayhem
Very nice. I especially liked how easily Naruto beat Sasuke, since this is exactly the kind of thing that will grate on Sasuke and send him to Orochimaru for power.
Or am I reading too much into this?
Greg Johnson posted a comment on Wednesday 26th December 2007 12:13pm for Preliminary Mayhem
Another great chapter! I am very happy you decided to not cut it off when you wanted to. So thanks for that! :-) Keep up the good work.
Jeremy DuCharme posted a comment on Wednesday 26th December 2007 6:00am for Preliminary Mayhem
Just had a thought. Did Kurenai manage to set up the 'bets' with her fellow Leaf jounin over who's team would do better, go father, and/or advance the most gennin to chuunin that she was contemplating a few chapters back? And if so were her proposed forfeits agreed to?
In that case Kakashi won't have the next month to spend reading Icha Icha, his team is out, so he loses. I guess Team 7 can look forward to some advance torture, er training, as he takes his frustration out on them on the training grounds.
Harry James posted a comment on Tuesday 25th December 2007 11:17pm for Preliminary Mayhem
PS. Sasuke not making everyone wait is a VERY good reason that the finals actually make it to the second round!!! ^_^
Harry James posted a comment on Tuesday 25th December 2007 10:56pm for Preliminary Mayhem
Another excellent installment! I was a little turned off by an Uchiha vs Uzumaki fight happening so soon, but the conclusion was rather hilarious. I think you just made a very good reason he will hate Naruto and want to challenge him again.
I'm a little worried about how the Gaara situation will work. The reason invading Konoha was so easy was due to the populous' desire to see the last Uchiha match up against Gaara. That not happening means a more difficult time for the Snake Sannin to get his people in without conspicuous attention, not to mention that Gaara might kill his "lesser than Uchiha" skilled opponent. Naruto could set off his blood lust due to the previous encounters, but that would be his second round fight. That also means that Kakashi won't run Sasuke into the ground with his chidori training, but rather, he would push Kakashi to train him to beat Naruto for a reason Kakashi may deem unimportant.
Once again, great work. I can't wait for the next one. Chouji, Naruto, Temari, Kankurou, Gaara, Shino, Neji, and Shikamaru are all that's left. Naruto vs Neji is up. Just a tip, but Kankurou surrenders in the next round, so him against Gaara first round may be good, because he may kill anyone else.
Much kudos and luck for your writing. Respond if you can.
HJ
ShadeHawk posted a comment on Tuesday 25th December 2007 10:48pm for Preliminary Mayhem
So, for once, Uzumaki Naruto decided to keep his mouth shut.
OoOoO
Sitting in an office elsewhere in the tower updating the list of remaining participants, Umino Iruka suddenly stiffened as all the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He didn’t know what was causing it, but he instinctively knew that a massive violation of the natural order was occurring. He suspiciously peered around, even looking under his desk, but he couldn’t find anything to explain that uneasy feeling.
Controlling his shudders of dread, the chuunin sat back down and double-checked the list again.
ROTFLMAO!!!
Infin1x posted a comment on Tuesday 25th December 2007 8:16pm for Preliminary Mayhem
A very cine way to do the preliminary matches. Show the significant one and gloss over the stuff that is majorly canon. I especially liked Sasuke losing to Naruto before he even gets to the Third Exam and losing in one move even. For some reason I highly doubt that Emoduck is going to accept that. I almost wish that Naruto hadn't missed with that punch aimed at Orochimaru and that it had even killed him because so few people are willing to kill off major bad guys before they get to their canon plots.
Joe Fenton posted a comment on Tuesday 25th December 2007 7:02pm for Preliminary Mayhem
Another great chapter. Some things changed, and some didn't. I'm sure you'll get some complaints about Sasuke, but not from me. :) It really makes sense, though. Sasuke hasn't done the training with Kakashi to get faster yet (it'll be interesting to see what training he DOES do now), while Naruto left his weights behind and had a really BIG incentive to end things quickly. That was a clever way to handle it. Good job!
infinity2x0 posted a comment on Tuesday 25th December 2007 5:26pm for Preliminary Mayhem
I love it I love it I LOVE IT. I can't wait for the next chapter, whenever that may be. I hope Neji gets the near life beaten out of him while he learns not to mess with Naruto or Hinata again. I'd hate for Neji to pick on Naruto about his academy grades and/or his relationship with Hinata and then have Naruto knock him out with one punch. I'd like to see him suffer a bit while Naruto eventually overpowers him. On the plus side, Naruto and Hinata are starting to wise up about their feelings and thats a step in the right direction, just don't make it too easy please?
Jizzle posted a comment on Tuesday 25th December 2007 5:15pm for Preliminary Mayhem
Oh crap, I forgot to mention how much I loved the Shino vs. Kiba match in my ramblings! Seriously, Shino is my favorite ninja in canon. He doesn't get nearly enough love, and while the Vulcanesque Aburame though me a bit at first, you totally make it work and Shino portrayed as the calculating, creepy badass he absolutely is. Thank you for that.
Also, Shino spoke loudly! Dear god that hit home and made my mixture of worry and rage shift completely to worry for Hinata.
Sorry for the double review thing.
Jizzle posted a comment on Tuesday 25th December 2007 5:10pm for Preliminary Mayhem
Merry Christmas authorlord! I hope you're having a good one, and thank you so much for this wonderful chapter. For me, it was a great end to a good Christmas.
I just need to get out of the way how friggin' happy Naruto's fight made me. I'd usually try to convey my thoughts on the chapter's events going from the beginning to the end, but the massive amount of pure, unadulturate joy thatSasuke having his ass handed to him on an orange, pissed off Jinchuriki platter brought me must be mentioned immediately. Thank you. Thank you so much.
While I'm thinking about the end of the chapter, I loved Kurenai at the end. Being underestimated is such a part of Naruto, and the subtle way you showed (not telling at all) that Kurenai had massively underestimated her star (in my opinion) pupil made me very happy. I wonder what her reaction is going to be when she finds out how unbelievably (awesomely) one sided it was.
Going back to the beginning of the chapter, I absolutely loved the multiple moments of Naruto brilliance and stupidity in this chapter. When it comes to problems of thinking and social interaction, your Naruto succeeds and fails exactly like I want to see.
His amazing, under appreciated off the wall, out of the box tactical thinking is present in this chapter full force. It's one of my favorite parts of canon!Naruto, and Kurenai has done nothing but hone it further in this story. The clone diversions, the trickery to get Sasuke help, his part in the battle with the genin team, they were all spot on. I actually cheered.
The social weakness I like is his obliviousness to the feelings of others at times. It's only sensible given his upbringing, or lack thereof, and it's absolutely adorable when it results in him spinning Hinata around by the shoulders doing a happy dance. I think I literally did a happy little clap at that scene.
His stupid impatience, a weakness I hate, was shown severely ameliorated by Kurenai's efforts at least once in this chapter when he held his tongue. Thank you for that. Also, the Iruka feeling a disturbance in the natural order was hilarious on its own and as (I assume) a sort of tongue in cheek allusion to the ridiculous premonitions people get in canon.
This sort of brings up one of the many qualities that make this story my favorite fanfic ever. You stay very true the spirit and essence of both canon and the characters while weaving an original, thoroughly engrossing story all you own. Well, at least you stay true to the parts of canon that aren't total crap.
Prelims were very well done. Shikamaru's "Shit." upon hearing Chouji being called fat was hilarious. I liked that you kept some matches the same. Naruto's failure to pick up on the high level strategy (not tactics!) that made Tenten's defeat inevitable was great. It was also good to see Shikamaru being such a friggin' pimp. Given how he's absolutely chuunin level, this makes complete sense.
And then there Hinata vs. Neji. I'd like to start by saying that I was right there with Naruto in wanting to rip out the bastard's throat. Fucker. So good job with the making me so furious at a fictional character that I was actually frustrated that I could not reach though my lap top and the words you wrote to kill said fictional character.
But it was a great fight. Your Hinata did exactly what I thought she would. I don't know if I would have told you Hinata would lose, but that's only because a huge portion of my heart yearned to see Neji disemboweled by his sweet little cousin. Ah well, I guess that's what the fic Overlord is for.
Shino's line about buying flower's for Neji's funeral was classic. Of course, I don't think Naruto's actually going to kill Neji. Sure, I don't expect Neji to have, say, limbs or some of the less necessary internal organs (you don't need all your liver) when Naruto's through with him, but he'll have his life. Neji doesn't deserve to fight Naruto to the death. To the pain, however, is another matter entirely.
I was thinking about scrolling through the story and just writing down all the lines and moments that made me happy which I have mentioned yet. Then I realized that I didn't want to double the length of this probably already overly long review.
So instead let me apologize for not pointing out anything that I didn't like or I thought could have been better. That's sort of what constructive criticism is about, and since I hear that's helpful to authorlords like yourself, I really want to give it to you in exchange for the wondrous story you've given me and all the other people reading this. But I can't.
See, I assume you're human and so there are imperfections there. So my inability to deliver can't lie on your end. Rather, it's just that the massive amounts of happiness flooding my system after reading this chapter sort of blot out any that might be there. Your betas must be made of sterner stuff than me, or the happy power must just be less before they're done betaing. Either way, a hearty thanks to them as well.
In the end then, I can only offer effusive praise. I hope it's good enough, and merry Christmas.
Prince Charon posted a comment on Tuesday 25th December 2007 4:49pm for Preliminary Mayhem
Forgot to say: I like how Sakura technically did the best out of her team - she tied, but her teammates both lost. I wonder if she and Ino were conscious to see Sasuke get humiliated. Emo-bitch is going to want a rematch, methinks.
Michael Foerster posted a comment on Tuesday 25th December 2007 4:45pm for Preliminary Mayhem
Again, well worth the wait! Thanks for the nice present.
yackman posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd January 2008 12:24pm for Preliminary Mayhem