bobman posted a comment on Tuesday 11th November 2008 12:49pm for Preliminary Mayhem

"He didn’t know what was causing it, but he instinctively knew that a massive violation of the natural order was occurring."

That reminds me of an episode of the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, in which Mandy smiles, ripping a hole in the fabric of the universe.

And, as always, amazing story.

Manatheron posted a comment on Sunday 23rd March 2008 1:45pm for Preliminary Mayhem

I've read this chapter at least three times since you updated, and every time I'm struck by the little differences you use that seem to make such a large difference. I don't know how you do it, but you always seem to suck me into the story.

Excellent work.
Manatheron

dogbrother4 posted a comment on Sunday 9th March 2008 2:34pm for Preliminary Mayhem

Great Story!! Hope to see more.

I was wondering if a chakra pulse during the finals would have some affect on orichmaru's disguise as the visiting kage. If it did, triggering the attack early would have some interesting effects. For example the ninja in the stands might not be put to sleep before the attack.

Jeremy DuCharme posted a comment on Friday 15th February 2008 2:46am for Preliminary Mayhem

Hmm, one though hit me, how nuts did Lee go at seeing Naruto replicate his dream, the hard working 'dead last' beating the 'gifted genius' through shear effort/willpower?

basicblack posted a comment on Thursday 7th February 2008 7:17pm for Preliminary Mayhem

gah!!!

please, please hurry up and post the next chapter

*starts tearing out people's hair*

I want to read it!!!

*argggghhhhh!!*

But, anyways, I love what you did to Sasuke *smirk*

little prick deserves it> ;)

Terry Chang posted a comment on Tuesday 5th February 2008 5:51pm for Preliminary Mayhem

just reread this for the umpth time (i hope i spelled that correctly). have to say, what makes me LOVE this story is how certain things are phrased and how the writing makes me feel.

a digression: i loved the first matrix, with all the kungfu and other stuff, not because just because it was kungfu (any movie can have fighting) but because of the "Awe" and "woah" factor that the directors put into it. watching it just made my jaw drop in wonder or my face scrunch up with my muscles tense thinking "hell yeah, go kick some ass!".

this story also makes me feel all of that and more. the desciptiveness (is that a word?) makes it just "GROWL" SO F'ING COOL...example:

"What variety of flowers would be appropriate?" he asked in the calmest, most matter-of-fact tone of voice he could muster.

"What?" Tenten asked, rubbing a bruise on the side of her head that she’d sustained in her loss to Temari.

"For your team mate’s funeral," he clarified.

How is that NOT the coolest thing that could have been said ever, by Shino, with his cool badassiness. just f;ing sick man! keep it up and i got to go back to reread this story again.

Raf Zaiman posted a comment on Monday 4th February 2008 8:08pm for Preliminary Mayhem

Excellent story. I'm rather new to Naruto (just started looking this october), but so far I'm not disappointed by either the series or the fanfics. Looking forward to the next chapter.

wotmania505 posted a comment on Thursday 31st January 2008 8:21pm for Preliminary Mayhem

Excellent story. You are a truly talented write. Keep up the great work!

cobwebanne posted a comment on Wednesday 30th January 2008 9:23pm for Preliminary Mayhem

I love this story! I can't wait to find out what happens next. The pace is great in this chapter. You covered alot of ground but the plotting was clear (I've never read Naruto). Naruto has really become the leader of the team in operational situations. Thank you for taking the time to write this!

ShadeHawk posted a comment on Tuesday 29th January 2008 12:04pm for Preliminary Mayhem

A bit more about jutsus and differences from the "Naruto" canon.

I wonder if Naruto would use his 'Naruto Rendan' jutsu ('Naruto Combo'), which he used in original storyline in prelims agains Kiba. IIRC from what I have read about it it is based on Sasuke Lion Combo, which in turn is ripoff Rock Lee jutsu. In 'Team 8' Naruto spars against Lee, so I can see him use the move based on the same principle as one of the more powerful Lee moves.

In the anime Hinata creates her own ninjutsu, 'Shugohakke Rokujuyon Sho' ('Protection of the Eight Trigrams Palms'), if I understand correctly this happens during (after?) timeskip. In 'Team 8' Hinata states that one of her goals is to create original powerfull jutsu based on her family techniques. While I guess that in your fanfic Hinata is not so driven to impress Naruto, she I think gets better teaching; would Naruto help her acquire this goal? I'm not sure what are your plans with respect to relation between Hinata and her father, and Neji animosy to the main branch, would they lessen as per original plot or not...

Other issues which you seem to have forgotten:
* what happened to Haku (which lives in your fanfic)?
* what happened to Rock Lee learning Drunken Fist style?

If you rather reply on the forums, the same post is also available there, as Team 8 - jutsus and other questions

--
ShadeHawk

Ronnie McMains posted a comment on Wednesday 23rd January 2008 12:20pm for Preliminary Mayhem

All right, I know it's really late to be reviewing this, but oh well.

First off, Neji vs. Naruto. I agree with Jizzle on two points. One, I wanted to reach through the screen and kill Neji. Two, someone needs to slip Naruto a copy of 'The Princess Bride' so he can fight Neji 'to the pain'. If you don't know the meaning, the quote's not hard to find.

Second, despite Kurenai's misgivings earlier in the story, it seems Asuma's doing something right, given Chouji and Nara's matches.

Third, Sasuke vs. Naruto. Loved it. The match may not have started until Hayate said 'Begin', but it was over as soon as Sasuke opened his mouth.

I do hope you know that you've ruined me for practically all other Naruto fanfic, as well as ever watching or reading the series itself. Guess they should have gotten you to write the manga. :)

Mordre posted a comment on Sunday 20th January 2008 8:00pm for Preliminary Mayhem

I just love decisive battles. Who's the dead last now, Sasuke-chan?
It just shows how a genius at hard work can most definitively beat a regular genius.
Of course, with a healthy dose of rage...
Gooooo, Naruto!

vernum posted a comment on Sunday 13th January 2008 3:56am for Preliminary Mayhem

great chapter as always!

patiently waiting for more

James13 posted a comment on Wednesday 9th January 2008 5:20pm for Preliminary Mayhem

Like I said before, I so rarely find a well written and engrossing Naruto fic, espcially one that has such good characterization.

In the core of his happy go lucky, prankster persona, Naruto does have a streak of a crusader in him.

It's that streak of pure goodness which compels him to attain the honor and resposibility of Hokage, even with all the misfortune heaped upon him during his youth.

It's easily argued that a normal person would have turned for the worse in that kind of situation, even without a nine tailed kitsune demon no doubt whispering in the back of his mind.

I look foward to the next chapter, and yes you were right about the potential mayhem that would have errupted with your decision to stop at the match announcement between Naruto and Sasuke.

dogbrother4 posted a comment on Monday 7th January 2008 5:20pm for Preliminary Mayhem

Excellent Story!! I have greatly enjoyed reading it. I was re-reading and notice this:

Naruto gave him a jaunty wave, guessing he’d figured out where the pulse had come from. Too bad his Byakugan hadn’t been on so it could have blinded him for a bit. Hinata’s cousin was way too arrogant for his own good.

I was wondering if Naruto could constantly release a series of chakra pulses capable of blinding the Byakugan. This would remove the ability of the Hyuugas to close tenketsu points. It would possibly affect other abilities related to the Byakugan.
Dogbrother4

Manatheron posted a comment on Monday 7th January 2008 6:31am for Preliminary Mayhem

Excellent job, the fights were entertaining, and the by-play was excellent. I can't help but wonder however wether or not naruto is going to tell the jounin's what neji's attack did to him. Granted Kyuubi kept it from being fatal, but as badly as Hinata was physically injured there is a high probibility that her body would not have recovered from it even as slowly as it did in cannon. Excellent work!

Decumo9 posted a comment on Friday 4th January 2008 5:59pm for Preliminary Mayhem

i really did expect a huge naruto vs sasuke fight, one that would be a legendary, yet i find that your simplistic way of making naruto win and sasuke look foolish was far superior to some ten page fight. good job!

dogbertcarroll posted a comment on Friday 4th January 2008 2:21am for Preliminary Mayhem

LOL! Loved Sasuke's match. Not really surprised it ended that way. He had way too much ego to see reality.

Loved the ending. There are just too many ways to screw with someone who's abilities require sight in all directions to use.

rex1yujie posted a comment on Thursday 3rd January 2008 8:32am for Preliminary Mayhem

this chapter is really good. this is defintily one of the best naruto fanfics i have read. second only to two halves. i hope u can update soon. i cant wait to find out wat happens next =)

Adrian R Brown posted a comment on Thursday 3rd January 2008 2:55am for Preliminary Mayhem

Great chapter! Very pleasant surprise to come back from vacation to find. I'd commented before, wondering how you were going to work Jaraiya (sp?) in with Naruto actually having an attentive teacher in this AU. However you dropped some hints in this chapter that opened the doors for how you would end up bringing him in to give Naruto some instruction. Nicely done! Can't wait for the next one.