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zArkham4269 posted a comment on Saturday 15th May 2010 12:51pm for Return to the Chamber

DrT's Relation series, Harry finds out he is a Parselmouth because he actually is and that the Potter's usually are. They tend to hide it due to the bias against it.

To me, this makes sense since Riddle got his parselmouth via his lineage back to the Perival brothers. Well since Harry also comes from the same line (via Ignotius) it would make sense he could very well be a parselmouth naturally.

Plus, I always wondered, was Riddle the Heir of Slytherin due to his ideology over birth? He was the last of the line through one of the Perival brothers, so wouldn't Harry be the new heir or perhaps someone from the other Perival brother?

The Laurel and the Roses posted a comment on Friday 18th December 2009 9:39pm for Return to the Chamber

You're descriptions of everyone are bang on and you write almost better than the author! Love the humor and the quality of human relations. Did you ever consider becoming a professional writer?

aemilyl24 posted a comment on Tuesday 15th December 2009 5:13pm for Return to the Chamber

This is such an awesome story. I have loved it so much. Keep up the amazing work. I do hope you plan on continuing it soon! I can't wait to see what will happen next :D

aemilyl24 posted a comment on Tuesday 15th December 2009 5:12pm for Return to the Chamber

This is such an awesome story!! I love it so much. I do hope you plan on continuing it; and I look forward to seeing an update soon!!!!

brad posted a comment on Saturday 24th October 2009 2:19pm for Return to the Chamber

I've just finished a re-read so I had to come here and say "this is a wonderful story" all over again.

This is a wonderful story.

:-)

The very best HP stories - the ones that are easily superior to any others - are those that focus on and highlight the love and affection that these wonderful characters have for each other. And NoFP does this beautifully. Every time I read a paragraph or sentence showing how the kids support each other, how dedicated Harry is to the welfare of his friends (and the wizarding world at large), how the romantic relationships are forming ... my heart just warms to them even more. It's wonderful, beautiful stuff.

One thing I was slightly miffed about ... Harry basically saves the day when Hermione's time at Hogwarts is threatened by her father. While I'm a H/Hr man and I know full well that that's not going to happen in your novel (which is fine by me; your H/G, R/Hr and N/L are just excellent) I was still, nonetheless, looking forward to a Granger-class hug or two of friendship and gratitude for Harry, the boy who'd made her father reconsider.

But instead, when they next meet up, Hermione's all shining-eyes over Ron's selection of a Christmas present!?! Which is several orders of magnitude lesser in importance, I would say. And that left me with what probably was the first bit of irritation at your setting up the R/Hr romance since day #1. Your R/Hr is cute but it's overpowering Hermione's thankfulness to Harry? Hmmph.

That little scene at the pub was a powerful one, with Mr. Granger taking over, the kids frozen, Luna staring at Harry to do something, Harry putting his heart on the line and Hermione's tears silently falling as he rescued her. The angst/drama monster part of me would have liked Hermione to have taken Harry aside at some point - like when they next met - and given him that classic Granger-class hug and some words of gratitude. I dunno, I'm not an author, I don't have your imagination, but you've perfectly written such capstones to other similar drama-laden events that have made me sigh in happiness, I just missed it in this one.

That said, I *did* very much appreciate Ron's questioning Harry as to whether Hermione's attending Hogwarts was the best thing - for *her*. Bravo, Ron. I'd been thinking exactly the same thing, hoping even that the Grangers or the kids might have drawn Harry further on that score.

I've reviewed NoFP many times in the past, I think; the above is just what's floating around at the top of my head having just finished reading your story (again).

I know how you hate your readers trying to pile on the pressure, but I'm worried at how it's been more than a year since the last update. I know you've recently tried to advance the progress-meter, but still ... *bites nails*.

I have no idea as to how big this series of yours was going to be - all seven years? - and there's things that need to be unveiled, of course, such as the identity of the Hogwarts spy. But I was wondering whether you might consider cutting the length of the story arc of your series, if it improves the chances of it getting finished. Maybe have Voldemort vanquished in a (huge) battle right after he's reincarnated at the end of year 4. I can only imagine how an author like you could write such a thing - Harry trying to protect his friends and taking off alone (although having put steps in place to prevent Voldemort's reincarnation); those precautions failing, due to the Hogwarts spy (who is revealed at the gravesite); but Harry's friends, unknown to him, had taken precautions too, and come to save him, they all zap Voldemort (or Harry does, upon being rescued, which allows us to cheer our hero as he steps up to the plate again), the Dark Lord is gone for good, all the Death Eaters that came back are stunned, Arthur becomes minister, the end.

Well, now I've shown exactly why I'm not an author. Still, I'm grateful for those fanfic stories that can nudge what I have for an imagination into action. Thank you for that.

And what I've thought of fails on several counts, no doubt. Certainly Harry has promised his friends to never dash off alone again, and to involve them in his plans - 'no secrets'. Which makes me wonder what could cause him to break that promise. A direct threat to one or more of them?

Hey, as far as I'm concerned, the more NoFP the better, I would love to have seven years of it! But I think 'probability of completion' is even more important. This story is too good to abandon. And if you were to chop it off after year 4 ... wow, you're five-eighths done already! :-)

Oh, another nitpick ... I was always complaining in my reviews, I think, about how Harry kept the fact that he could conjure a corporeal patronus from his friends, even after pledging 'no more secrets'. Yet not a single one of them complained when his Stag was revealed at the quidditch match, which puzzled me. I would have expected Ginny or Hermione to whinge about it?

Anyway, thank you again for this brilliant story. Cheers.

LynnTerald posted a comment on Monday 17th August 2009 1:44pm for Return to the Chamber

I just reread everything and I'm still impressed by your writing. Hoping for more soon and that you didn't abandon this fic.

Ron posted a comment on Saturday 15th August 2009 7:53am for Return to the Chamber

Is this story still active? If so, any idea when the next chapter will come out?

Ilonwy posted a comment on Thursday 6th August 2009 5:39am for Return to the Chamber

Okay, i absolutely love your story! I haven't laughed this much for quite a while. PLease keep writing! thank you very much!
~Ilonwy

Gen Jordan posted a comment on Wednesday 5th August 2009 12:09pm for Return to the Chamber

*wistful look* This is a fantastic story. I'm really looking forward to the rest of the saga ^_^

Gogirl posted a comment on Tuesday 30th June 2009 6:21am for Return to the Chamber

Will you make a new chapter PLEASE? It's been over a year hasn't it?

hptrump posted a comment on Tuesday 9th June 2009 12:54pm for Return to the Chamber

Love the story. Are you continuing to write more chapters?

oregonbird posted a comment on Monday 27th April 2009 8:29am for Return to the Chamber

And now, I run to your blog with quick feet...

hawkswench posted a comment on Friday 24th April 2009 9:46am for Return to the Chamber

Your story is very interesting, I have been reading it most of the day as I just found it this am.

Sam Watts posted a comment on Saturday 28th March 2009 7:42am for Return to the Chamber

Posted this on your FF page, but figured I should probably do it here too to make things thorough. It's a wee bit wordy, but here goes!

Well, I've been following your stories for years and years (since Junior year of high-school, astoundingly enough), but have never reviewed before, so figured now's as good a time as any.

Firstly, I'd just like to say that this is, without a doubt, the single best HP (and anything else, to be honest) time-travel fic I've ever read. Secondly, your story has the makings of an absolutely wonderful bit of fiction...quite possibly the best HP fic out there, though we won't be able to fully measure until completion.

Now that we've established I'm a huge fan and that you're 1000x the fiction writer that I'll ever be, time for the actual review.

Thusfar, your story has been EXTREMELY fun and engaging. Without fail, every other Time Travel work I've read struggles with an overpowered protagonist with all the cards stacked in their favor. I mean, that's the point of a time-travel fic, isn't it? Your protagonist is predisposed to own by going back. As such, decent authors try to keep their character in check and challenged by either upping the ante with harder enemies or limiting the protagonist's impact on the timestream somehow. The first option usually leads to ridiculous plotlines involving a ridiculously powerful hero taking on secret organizations that nobody knew about that're capable of exploding the sun or something silly like that. They usually read like something out of a manga that's continued too far and is desperately trying to find challenges for the heroes. OH MY GOD, THE UBERSECRETPOWERFUL VILLAIN WHO YOU JUST BARELY DEFEATED REALLY WAS JUST A MINION OF THIS OTHER REALLY POWERFUL BOSS. Yeah, terrible.

The second option is a little trickier, but the clever stories usually set things up so that the protagonist's individual power isn't everything. Sure they may be the most powerful character around, but for some reason...they can't directly change everything, bringing the supporting cast (usually overshadowed in TT fics) into the spotlight.

I started reading absolutely terrified that your Harry would turn into a terrible, infallible, overpowered Gary Stu. You've managed to brilliantly avoid that pitfall by limiting Harry's omniscience as the world changes, tying his hands with the need for secrecy, and making his friends just as important--maybe MORE important--for the actual fight than Harry himself. Sure, he could win against Voldemort again, but "winning" alone isn't enough. The way Harry's defined victory, he'll have lost unless he manages a nearly perfect win against Voldemort with almost no casualties. With this scenario, you've managed to circumvent (or at least cut down) on the whole power-level issue. Harry may be REALLY bloody powerful, but the fight isn't just about him. What's more, the way you've defined the power scope of your HP universe, he'll never be strong enough to simply wade in and take everyone out himself. Some fics take that route and have Harry single-handedly disposing of dozens (or even hundreds) of wizards. You've kept things a LOT more interesting, engaging, and bloody SANE by keeping your Harry human. He's got a lil' extra oomph, to be sure, but nothing obscene that'll allow him to wade through everything with impunity. In short, he has to involve other people, all of whom are at risk.

As I'm sure you know, all decent plots require obstacles and a sense of risk for their protagonists. Every story worth telling involves conflict of some kind. If there's no real danger, there's no point to the story. So far, you've managed to keep your readers engaged by keeping Harry fallible, powerful-but-not-ridiculous-and-limited-to-boot. He and his friends could feasibly win the war, eventually, but they could also feasibly lose. It could go either way without resorting to deus ex machina or lame plot stretches.

Now that that's all said, I have to put up the obvious caution signs. I think you've probably got things under control, but still have to point out the pitfalls, just in case.

If Harry and friends grow too powerful too fast, your story will, without a doubt, be jeopardized. You'll be left with only a few options, e.g. the secret organization of string-pullers, out-of-the-blue twists to weaken Harry's crew, or out-of-the-blue turns to strengthen the dark wizards. None of those options are good. At all. Cheesius maximus.

The reason for my concern is, as you might have guessed, Harry & Friends getting stronger and stronger. In the beginning, your Harry had the potential to double his original magical strength, which was already sufficient to take down Voldemort in a relatively fair 1v1 fight. This nifty little time-travel perk initially set off warning claxons, but you managed to actually assuage my fears with a nifty bit of writing. You set things up so that Harry would slowly integrate his old magic, meaning he WOULD be 2x his original power...by the age of 30 or so. In your earlier chapters, it reads like he's just a slightly-more-powerful kid with a wee bit of a time-traveling boost and an advanced spell repertoire, making him ridiculously powerful for an eleven-year-old... Fine for playing with the kiddies, but things could be tricky when he deals with grown adults. In those scenarios, he has to rely on underestimation and superior tactics. As for his friends, they're initially normal, but soon become very good...for kids, meaning they might be able to magically/martially take on students a few years ahead of them, but they're nowhere near ready to tango with the Death Eaters.

Of late, however, things have been changing a wee bit. Harry's been making ginormous water pillars with his magic, implying he's already more powerful than all of his friends combined (danger, Will Robinson, danger). He basically nukes a boggart and damaged Hogwarts to a ridiculous extreme. In his little experiment with Remus, he displays unheard of levels of power (it's over 9000!!) for your universe. Olivander's reply leads me to believe that Harry has far surpassed the normal level of strength for an adult wizard and is now in the Dumbledore/Legendary Wizards realm. He may not be QUITE on par with them, but he's either in the same tier or approaching it fast. This HUGE power boost threatens to overcome the plot limiters you've carefully placed and could put you in something of a box, plotwise... As I can see it, you've already limited your options to something like:

1) Harry leaves all his friends sitting way back in the dust, power-wise, and takes care of everything himself, culminating in a shonen style showdown with Voldemort. Tre boring. And it defeats the purpose of everything you've done by reducing his friends to cheerleaders as he goes on a Gary Stu fest.

2) Harry's friends increase in power proportionally (nowhere near him, of course, but he's the lead protagonist for a reason). You end up with, shonen style, the band of powerful friends going in, each with their own specialty and fighting style, to pwn and save the day. His friends fight off the Death Eaters, Harry takes out Voldemort (easily, with his 2x power). If you take this tactic, Harry's friends'll need to gain at a similar-but-slower rate...meaning that, judging by Harry's strength (remember, he's already in Voldie's ballpark and is still going up very quickly), they'll easily be ready to fight Voldie by fifth year. The problem with this scenario is that you've got the big-bad of the whole series, the bloody antichrist badass & elite minions who caused this whole problem, being taken out by a bunch of fifteen-year-olds. This would trivialize...everything...and sort of ruin your whole series. Oh yeah, and because your protagonists are uberpowerful and prepared, there's no real risk. Bad taste in mouth.

3) A variation on 2, things accelerate so the final confrontation arrives before the gang is fully prepared. On the plus side, there's risk. On the minus side, you've got a bunch of 13/14 year olds taking on the big bad, which is just ridiculous, no matter how well you write it.

4) Secret society of ever-escalating-power-levels

5) Gimmicks to make Harry's group weaker or Voldie's stronger

There are a few others like this, but for the most part...things look bad if Harry continues to power up. I'm hopeful, seeing as you seem to plan things out very far in advance and have a good sense of plot pacing, but still have to urge caution. Take your time, man... It took what, 20 years of growing-up before Harry was able to take on Voldie the first time around? Should you do it in 3-5 here, it'd just trivialize everything. If the end of a story like this makes you go "Oh...that was surprisingly easy", then something's terribly, terribly wrong.

Now, to end on a positive note. The way you deal with Harry's age is absolutely phenomenal. In most time travel fics, an older Harry comes back from the past and essentially replaces his younger equivalent which, if you think about it, is tantamount to murder. Seriously, he just axes the younger kid's life to make up for his earlier mistakes? Come on. You, however, neatly sidestep that whole can of worms by actually fusing the souls. Okay, everybody says that the two Harry's fuse, but we all know that means the older one replaces. With your story, it actually feels like the older Harry is gradually being assimilated by the younger one. This allows you to avoid the whole older-and-wiser Gary Stu issue, as your Harry seems increasingly like a kid trying to make his own life while dealing with all the life experiences and memories of a socially stunted/traumatized adult. Another perk: your treatment of Harry's age dodges all the creepy pedophilia issues with Ginny. He may not fully be 11/12/13 inside, but he's sure as hell not 30. He's not even consistently 17ish (the average), which allows him to move within his social scene amongst his peers while taking advantage of his more worldly perspective at the same time.

Congrats!

ladysavay posted a comment on Tuesday 3rd March 2009 6:39pm for Return to the Chamber

As always, very nice chapter. I'm anxious to see where this goes from here.

Surely, with all his fore knowledge and all those accumulative brains within his support system, they will find a way to get rid of Fudge and his cronies.

Cathycalamitous posted a comment on Monday 9th February 2009 2:18pm for Return to the Chamber

This is great!! Update or however this site works (i just found it yesterday)...i hope it alerts my email or something... :(.... anyways...UPDATE UPADRTE BLAHBLAH UPDATE!! ^.^

Anansii posted a comment on Friday 16th January 2009 3:29pm for Return to the Chamber

Well, it's official - if I start rereading this fic I will read the whole thing, regardless of what I intended. :) About all I've got to say is keep up the good work!

ClarenceRose posted a comment on Thursday 15th January 2009 1:50pm for Return to the Chamber

This is a most interesting take on Harry Potter.
I love it!
The characters have strong personalities, and i like that ron and hermione get along.
Please write more soon!

~CR

bellawolfluna posted a comment on Friday 9th January 2009 5:24pm for Return to the Chamber

your attention to detail is really pronounced. i am slightly worried because neville and luna, and ron and her hermione seem to be progressing their relationships much more than ginny and harry . . .

fyrecat posted a comment on Monday 5th January 2009 6:32pm for Return to the Chamber

Well, That was a very pleasant read. I really am enjoying the story arc. It's so nice to see someone who recognizes the HUGE value of the basilisk carcass.
Your characterizations are interesting and engaging. I like the various subtle and not-so-subtle changes and the logical, character-development driven nature of the changes. I very much like how the 2 versions of Harry are merging, creating a new person.

I'm impressed with the level of literacy it your work. It's so refreshing to see words spelled and used correctly, punctuation used properly, and a widely varied vocabulary. I even had to look up a couple of words! I'm very impressed!

I definitely look forward to future updates, and hope that you don't make us wait long for them.

The only thing that I might suggest editorially is to be careful of re-using the same expression over and over - "gimlet eye" comes to mind, although there were one or two more as well.
Finally, my personal observation/ pet peeve for this fic is:
It seems like, with Harry being not just a veteran, but literally the 'last man standing' after a 19 year war, the last few with only him, Ron and Hermoinie, and the final year fought alone against whole squads of DEs at a time, that he should have a MUCH higher level of instinctive situational awareness. Also, there's just no way that a kid with only a year or 2 of training should be any kind of a challenge at all in a duel.
There are viet-nam vets with much better reflexes, and that war only lasted 16 years, and most folks never did more than a couple of tours on the front lines.

Otherwise, I'm really enjoying this fic. Thank you so much for sharing your creative genius with us.